Pls enter your password before entering My Dreamland

i've been having this dream whereby this particular guy have been intruding into my dream for more than 3 times within a period of 7 weeks. no! it's not wet dreams!!

when i was in Banlung, he appeared twice. and recently, he returned again.. so far, twice.. hmmm. i wonder wad does dreams means..................

oh.. and we always seem to be a couple...
hmmm......................................
stop intruding!

forget password?

i juz discovered something weird abt myself.

i find washing transparancies very therapeutic.

wwweeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrdddd

la di da di da

yay.. it's been 1 week of school.. not so yay aft all since projs are coming up but nevertheless it's interesting.. stuff like checking out the details of hotels and managing an event!! :D im so looking forward to it.. it better be good!

school's been great, for i haf a bunch of MAD pple with me.. the bis peeps who went to cambodia, all specialising in TOURISM!! haha.. so lecture was nothing less than hearing my thunderous laughter... i know wad u r thinking: "im so glad im not in ur lecture!" so far, im glad that i chose tourism [so sera, u dun haf to kill me or attempt to murder me since im enjoying.. :D ]

oh yes.. about the MAD people. we did CRAZY stuff too.. on wednesday, aft lect n doing some stuff, we lepak. yes. that is our middle name.. tt's wad we haf been doing since we returned from Cambodia. like i was saying.. we were resting n relaxing waiting for the rest to discuss some stuff.. n norisa, one of the makcik of our grp, suggested that we shd juz relax on the grass.

she just returned from aussie. she went there to visit her sis and she realised that tt's one culture that we Singaporeans do not adopt- sitting around.. anywhere... along the pavement, outside the library, on the stairs, under the shade.... probably there's too much facilities available for us, making us all so pampered and as if by sitting on the grass, som huge insect is gonna gobble us up into their stomach. so the madness drove into the 4 of us.. we went to sit on this patch of green grass and juz read, talk and laugh.. people walked pass us looking, starring and glaring, pointing, laughing and mocking.. at one point, the security guard came over, and we thought that he was gonna chase us off the grass. surprisingly, he came and showed us a thumbs up! woot!

but wads wrong? doing something out of norm is not something sinful ya? is it a crime??!!!

so we planned to haf lunch on that grass patch (aka the Green gound) on the coming monday. for more details, click here ..

more updates later..

i wonder

looking at how things happen and their impact to set me to think and learn, i wonder if i've ever left such an impact on anyone's life.

i wonder my existence ever made any difference in your life.

i wonder if i die the next second, will you realise. will that affect you.
i dun think so
because i know, i did not leave a deep impression within you.
or did i?

The Last Day

Tomorrow will be my first day of 5th semester. i feel more anxious than dreadful.

looking back at the past 7 weeks of my holidays, i learnt alot and i think i grew (physically and mentally). learnt about people and alot about myself, as well as things around me. and i feel like i've been that green slimey frog that has been living in her own little well for the past 19 years. so protected and limited. not anymore.. cos she will try with all her might to jump out of that well and look at the rest of the world.

- you dont need much to lead a simple life. although resources available are limited, people are contented with wad they have and make the best out of it. unlike people that has been affected by modernization, keep yearning for more and never seem contented.

many girls in cambodia have been forced into sex slave.

why is it that these girls do not give up their life and continue living in that state of torment, while people here, in Singapore, has almost all that they want and attempt to commit suicide?

- Is globalization an angel or a menace? globalization occurs due to constant transactions between countries- international trade. as people trade, they bring their culture into another country. this causes the culture of 1 country to be spread around all other countries, thus lose their unique culture and all behaves like one.

furthermore, during international trade, the riches benefit the most! hence, causes the rich to become richer and the poor to remain poor. in simple terms, it's like the rich exploiting the poors for their relatively cheap resources.

good or bad? u decide for yourself.

- superficiality
there are guys around who are not superficial. so ladies.. dun be discouraged. such extinct species still do exist. although they like you for who you are, they still drool at the sight mini skirts and the pretty faces. but you know, deep inside they still love you. or at least thats wad they want you to think. hah! but seriously.. such pple still exist. i got into a relationship at a point where i looked the WORST. ya. i know wad u r thinking "u mean u ever look better than that?" but hey! thats not the point alright.

and i fully understand the meaning of judging the book by its cover. it may look boring outside, but the inside may be sparkling with knowledge.

- people come and go and walk away... hold on to your emotions do not let them just splatter. always remember that people come and go. no point holding onto something which u know theres no future. sometimes being hopeful is not the right choice. always remember to trek water even though u haf a float. u never know when the float will deflate. the close of one window is the open of the other (quote unquote nim). so look forward to the new window that is open. and when it's time to let go, juz move on, and probably you'll find a nicer float.

- i've been waiting for things to happen. thats not wad i wan.. i want to make things happen. people might say, "oh.. it's fate... bla bla bla" i believe, u r the creator of your own fate. u direct ur own route and u r the script writer of your play. cliche. but true.

- within 3 weeks, 2 person told me this "Don't Trust Anybody"
hmmm.. maybe i'm too gullible.. i haf to work on that.

so basically, i had a wonderful holidays after slogging for 10 mths (i had my attachment last sem, remember?) this break is ENRICHING! really learnt alot, and absorbed quite a fair bit. amazing experience that i enjoyed. choices that i never regret making, in every aspects. wonderful people that i have met.

looking at my posts.. i think im very tempremental... yikes... that's bad....... im sad one day and happy the other... anyway.. i woke up with a very nice dream.. maybe thats why.. to my girlies- char n nim- sandy, and peeps, thanx for being there n listening to my whines.. ur presence has been greatly appreciated..

just feel like typing n updating my blog so this will be a happier post..

hmm.. interesting happenings... nothing much.. been meeting up with the cambodian peeps the WHOLE WEEK! not exaggerating at all..

sun- Zouk Flea & Easy,
mon- movie marathon at dan's hse
tues- met up with fad n sch mates and ran into the monk
wed- met to bitch and lepak
thurs- the kumpucheans meeting
fri- kumpucheans bbq
sat(today)- met to bitch, lepak n dinner
sun(tmr)- Madagascar movie preview..

so thats how i spent the week before sch reopens... n surprisingly, im glad that sch is starting... i guess i just wanna feel occupied.. anyway.. more updates soon

whine to unwind

i totally feel like wad i felt last week.. juz dwelling in my own sadness n be sad!
i'm not happy seeming happy or being happy.. arrgh wadever that meant!
i dun understand... why different people handle a situation differently..

kjsdfk jhljk, manlsdkjnfl jalksdmf lnsdlkfj lskdnf, nkshnoldjflk malksdnfl kjlksjdfl kjsldfjn lkasnfdlk nlksjnfvkl jsdlfkm nsldfnkl sdjflk jsdflk jmsdlfkmn slfdknlk sdjlksj fklsjfml ksdnfl nflksdn fldsknfl sdknf lskdnflksnflskhn lskdjfvlk jsdklfjkl sjflkdsj lskjvljkcnvklbnkljhnlksdkg
arrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i miss you

TOURISM

alright.. i got wad i want.
i ought to be happy
but my mom is such a wet blanket!!
why cant she just leave me alone!
GO AWAY

Your Birthdate: April 23

With a birthday on the 23rd of the month (5 energy) you are inclined to work well with people and enjoy them. You are talented and versatile, very good at presenting ideas. You may have a tendency to get itchy feet at times and need change and travel. You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable. Your mind is quick, clever and analytical. A restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient and easily bored with routine. You may have a tendency to shirk responsibility. Very sociable, you make friends easily and you are an excellent traveling companion.

im a people-person?! never knew.. i always think pple percieves me as arrogant?

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talented? ya rite.. haf u seen my previous post?!

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ok.. this is true.. i love changes... n travelling.. :D

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clever? i bet u havent heard nim calling me a bimbo from dawn to dusk

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true.. impatient.. n i need new things to keep me excited. routine? boring!

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hmmm.. i thout im pretty responsible.. probably not..

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sociable? im not sure.. u tell me... excellent travelling companion ok!! not even good.. it says excellent.. haha.. so who wanna travel?? ;)

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

"when the decision u made failed, it's just God's way of telling ya to take another direction"

i saw this is sera's blog.. indeed.. it's God's way of telling me to take another direction. oh.. n if u r wondering, yup.. i submitted my appeal letter this morning.. anyway.. thanx sera.. it was really nice to mention that little decision i made in ur blog.. really appreciate it.. n perhaps its time for u n ur blog to invest in a Tag Board so people like me, and only me can respond to ur entries.. and perhaps its time for me to move on to the other direction that God is pointing to.

every experience has its learning point(s)

1. do not procrastinate (if not, u WILL REGRET cos things just ends in a snap of fingers)
2. do not ever allow ANYONE to intimidate you (if not, u will NOT have a chance to share your thoughts)
3. do not live in denial (face the reality.. u haf to do that sooner or later)
4. always anticipate and prepare for the worst..(be hopeful.. but not wishful)
5. always remember sinking in is easier than pulling out [quote unquote nim] so think carefully.. but at many times, u never try u never know.. n its through all these experiences that u learn n grow.
6. never walk in the rain.. (if not, u WILL end up like me..)

-pulling out and growing-

My parents will be so glad if we stay in Banlung.. cos every day, at 12, the power supply goes off by itself.. so I will not haf any entertainment and I will go n sleep.. so much for coming back to "reality" and "being possessed" (my mom actually thinks that i'm possessed cos im acting n behaving differently ever since i return... now.. who should come back to reality?!) *bangs head*

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So I am finally doing something that I want to do.. I am going to school tmr first thing in the morning to submit my appeal letter to change my major to Tourism.. hopefully my letter is convincing enough to pass off.. I think tourism is something that I will be more interested in, since I wanna travel.. and it allows me to realise wad i wanna be-- event coordinator.. screw future! At least it is something where my interest lies in n I haf an edge over, thanx to my attachment..

Tamia- Officially Missing You

All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why'd you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It wont go away
And today I'm officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain't no way
And today
I'm officially missing you

Oh can't nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I'm officially

All I do is lay around
Two years full of tears
From looking at your face on the wall
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don't even know you at all
I don't know you at all
Well I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess it's safe to say baby safe to say
That I’m officially missing you

Oh can't nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I'm officially

Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that's something I just can’t do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can't find a way
To let go of you

Oh can't nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I'm officially

It official
You know that I'm missing you
Yeah yes
All I hear is raindrops
And I'm officially missing you

i hate it...

when i think..
when i smile..
when my heart skip a bit..
when everything's not so fine aft all..
when every good thing has to end.

I.N.S.P.I.R.E.D

lotsa thouts (pk.. not really thoughts.. )running through my mind today..

1. how some good girls ard dun seem to be able to get a date while the other girls haf dates swarm ard them?

2. how for the past 2 weeks i haf no thouts... or not tt much thouts.. i think being in a relationship is when everything seem all so beautiful.. n the world is juz so nice.. n im oh so happy with my current situation tt i dun haf to think of anything... tt's how being in a relationship makes someone stooopid.. haha.. ok.. sour grapes..

3. how when things arent tt rite anymore, more thouts come pouring in.. cos thats when u actually uses the part in between ur shoulders, in the head n i think its name is B.R.A.I.N

4. how some pple are so mature for their age n pple like me spend my time on unimportant stuff.. n still whine.. n now i realise how unimportant they are as compared to others..

5. how i am passion-less n juz live life as it is n just wait n see wad happens n not actually making things happen.. how i m gut-less i am.. not persuing things tt i want..

basically juz some realization... and i feel so good now man..

mebbe sometimes, ok.. all the time..

things happen for a reason...

dear lionel aka auntie agony..

Thank you so much.. u made my day brighter.. or rather a better night.. it was really nice of u to share my lousy day on top of ur lousy day.. n the stuff that u said really struck me, n cleared my day.. so the sun was able to shine through the overcastted sky to provide light for the poor homosapiens on the ground.. (ok.. drama mama.. but nim.. i wonder if u remember this sentence.. hah! )

so anyway.. his words really set me thinking.. and everything seems so clear aft tt.. if u ever see this entry.. lionel, thanx alot! really... a whole lot!! although we snap at each other at times (in fact many times..), u made me feel so good!!

thanx mate!!

weird thoughts..

suddenly everything came piling on me..
people always say this "everyone is unique in their own way..", which really sets me thinking.. how m i different from others?
in terms of appearance? i dun think so....... NOT AT ALL! juz some fugly piece of lard..
in terms of inner beauty?? im not the kind of person whose inner beauty radiates...
in terms of knowledge??? definitely limited....
in terms of talent???? ya sure man... piano is just SO different n uncommon among pple nowadays...
in terms of academic results?? mediocre student...
in terms of character?? haf u seen me flare!!??? no?? your turn will come soon

i really wonder.. wad kind of first impression do i leave for the others???

i juz realise... i was watching miss congenality and her boyfriend juz called to say that their relationship wasnt working out... n tt was when i heard abt mine..
talk abt being coincidental.

i wish someone is awake to listen to me...................
cant sleep... thanx for my neighbour above who hit furiously on their floor, my ceiling...
BAH!
always remember to trek water even if u haf a float

i didnt know that i'm a person who lives in denial.
maybe that only occured when im in a relationship..
but guess wad...

hello singlehood

how Cambodia trip has moulded me

Bad
dearest girlies, girlfriends, n mom..
it is advisable not to go shopping with me now.. cos everything looks so extravagant, n i'll be like, when will i wear this out.. n i'll just browse through as everything seems unaffordable.. n i'm still in my Banlung state.. so gimmi some more time.. i think by next week i shd be fine......

Good
living in the long house in Banlung was like a training.. yesterday, i was in town with my bung seom lann.. it was pretty late.. around 1am.. we went into the toilet, n suddenly the lights went off suddenly.. i was in the toilet n there was a girl who went like... oh shit!! but i was like calm n was able to figure my way out even thou it was dark.. near pitch black.. both of us found our way out n we had the same thout.. Thanx for always the always tripping electricity in Banlung.. haha!

He's Just Not That Into You- Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo, Lauren Monchik

after the intro of it in nim's blog quite sometime ago, i was interested to read about the way they convince ladies that the guy they've got may not be Mr. all-so-perfect.. n i must say they did a good job..

the book writes about how a guy is just not that into you when he doesnt ask u out (ok... maybe this is true.. ), and how a guy is just not that into you when he doesnt calls you.. (hmmm.. this one is a lil tricky.. cos i was disturbed after reading it...), and how a guy is just not that into you when he doesnt make known about the relationship, as they too need some security in a relationship.... bla bla bla.......

so.. i was reading the book... i was pretty disturbed by the he's just not that into you if he doesnt call you.. but surely he would be busy at some point in life n he cant call.. the counter argue being he will wanna call u, as you'll be the brightness in his mundane life, n he'll wanna talk to u as much as u wanna talk to him.. er.. ya... but would u rather haf a guy who does nothing but talk to you for a brighter day or would u rather haf a guy who strives hard for a brighter future?

something to think about eh?

to view pics taken in cambodia...
[ click here ] or [ here]
courtesy of Alvin...

CAMBODIA aka KUMPUCHA 11 apr 2005 - 1 may 2005 yay! im finally blogging abt my cambodia trip! i wanted to mail a postcard back, but the posting system didnt seem reliable.. so the idea was abolished... basically lots had happened in the trip.. but no worries.. im back in a piece! haha.. it was really experiential and it definitely is an eye-opener for me! events such as... - waking up in 530 in the morning and realise that the sky is already as bright as 730 in spore and people haf started their transactions and bargainings ringing in the atmosphere. - glenn n i took the tuk tuk (which is juz a motorbike) and we were amazed the first time we rode it and it cld fit 3! but trust me, ive seen more than 4 on the motorbike when we were in Cambodia! oh.. n we almost got into an accident.. the driver immediately stepped on his brake and screeched, then the engine cldnt start! - the mekong river which is a freshwater river has dolphins staying in it! i caught a few glimpse of it, and they look so adorable! i was excited! the time spent waiting for the dolphins was marvellous... the serenity so beautiful and calming! - travelling on a pick up with 22 person and their backpacks excluding the driver and a translator, on bumpy roads and irritating people is definitely something that u might not even get to experience! oh.. n my cap flew away! the night travelling part is the best! the stars filled the sky with the moonlight shining at us! this is something that i think i'll never get to experience again! i love the ride from Kratie to Banlung! i'll miss the times when my butt is hardly on the seat, and half the time im squatting while danial was kneeling to me, when dowell was hugging tightly to Sum, when Julius is knocking off on top of the compartment of the pick-up, when norisa, amelia, chris and liz was singing, and farhan complaining that only 1/3 of his ass is on the seat.. something that i definitely wanna keep in my memories! - visiting villages and waterfalls which are magnificent! especially the "dangerous" one as one of the IYDP student's fren got sucked in it! getting down to the waterfall was already like rock climbing.. and in order to get from the front to the end of the waterfall, u haf to move like a spiderman.. with all fours checking out different rocks to step on! but the sight of it was BEAUTIFUL! - swimming in a lake.. not juz any lake, but the Yak Lom Lake.. i want to swim in the Yak Lom Lake, the Yak Lom Lake, the Yak Lom Lake... later, like the 2nd last day in Banlung, den i realise that the Yak Lom Lake is actually part of a Volcano... so i cld be a boiled goose anytime! and the bees there are fierce sial! i got stung 3 times! - falling off the pick up like a jackfruit (quote unqoute farhannah) and landed with a Panda! - passing through this village where kids threw water on us, as it was some festival.. it was the 3rd day of Khmer New Year.. - rode a bike myself.. but still unclear bout the gear thingy.. but nevermind.. cos i've rode the bike! - getting involve in a motorbike accident n i was the pillon (no worries.. i only had a lil scratch).. Dowell was being nice and wanted to send us to the market. Chris took Amelia and Norisa while i was with Dowell.. we left our hse, n passed the wooden planks which were covering the drain.. we had to go on a higher speed in order to go pass the wooden thing.. but the bike did not turn juz in time, so it went over to the lane for bikes of another directions... although there wasnt any markings, the people there had mutual understanding that that;s how the traffic works! ok.. so den, we bike almost crashed into another bike coming towards us.. dowell had scratches on his hands and arms and knee... OUCH! and i, i had a lil scratch on my feet... *gasp* - waking up early in the morning before 6 to go to the market for breakfast- chicken rice, laksa lookalike stuff, mutton curry, porridge with fried bee hoon.... and never fail to get Cafe tenako tekok everyday! -highlighted my hair! for US$2! and manicure was US$0.25.. in spore, when the highlight ur hair, they use aluminium foil.. here, they use blag trash bags and fold that section and secure it with bobby pins and when they remove the trash bag, they only wash that section of the hair! - celebrating bday overseas is totally different from celebrating it at home or locally... and my fellow group mates as well as teachers were so sweet... they bought 19 small cup cakes and on top of each, there were candles! aww... - going out for a drink at the end of each day aft translating for the whole day... oh.. and rice wine which was later known as wice rine.. hee... it's really strong apparantly.. i could feel my cheeks burning aft they refilled the thingy with 3 cups of water.. - one of the nights, we had debrief on the run way of Banlung Airport.. it was fantastic.. the stars and all.. lotsa uninvited guests thou.. the kids.... lotsa them... n we had our dinner on the run way.. as soon as the kids FINALLY left, we had to leave too,, but it's really amazing. - ANGKOR WAT! the most amazing architecutre i've ever seen.... simply wonderful.. it's one of the major temples around.. and there are other which is smaller in size, but still MAGNIFICENT! and theres this temple- Ta Prohm.. the monuments had trees growing on them.. and the roots are GIGANTIC.. and im not exaggerating a single bit. - visiting the rubbish dump where the rubbish of the Phnom Penh people are being discarded! and people actually do live there. they collect the unwanted materials for a living and they even have food stall there! and the rubbish dump measures 5km x 7km - spent the most amazing 2 nights in Phnom Pehn in Royal Highness Hotel... had great chats with my bung som lan- the most precious thing that ive gained from this trip.. hope that we can all return to Banlung together!

i think im in love... *gasp* im sorry to peeps who thinks that im gushing too much... but thats wad im suppose to do now, and not wait till the honeymoon period past n sigh! so ya... oh my... everything seemed to magical.. n im actually HAPPY!! very elated in fact.. the happiness that comes out from the inner part of my heart! n the bad side that comes along with the happiness around me is the attachment of my emotions! thats bad.. but wads good to know is that my emotions toward some other creature out there is bring reciprocated! yay!! getting sleepy... more up later! nite

small yet powerful.. the 3 small words are juz simply amazing.. i dun remember when was the last time i heard someone telling me- i love you, and i was overwhelmed by it.. i was smiling to myself in the lift as i was reaching home.. n i feel that im falling deeper.. something which i wish i could control but i simply cant.. (at this point of time, i juz realise that my bung som lan- which means darling in Khmer- Julius is reading this, or he could be reading this.. due to some weird connections that i'll elaborate it the next time) ya.. i was saying.. falling deeper... im juz afraid that i'll be scarred again.. u know, like getting too deep into something which turn out to be very shallow.. u know, like too serious too soon... but on the good side... at least im falling deeper.. hehe... oh ya.. hey peeps! im back from Cambodia... really love it.. nice place.. more elaborating of that next time... rite now, juz let me gush! hah!