are connections illusions? im phobia to connections just as im phobia to antibiotics. im scared. i dunno if it is real. it feels so good. yet the moment when i think that it is an illusion, everything transformed from a planet of colours into black and white. from my world of fairytales to the cruel reality from feeling so spoiled, pampered and baby i feel that im living in a world of lies, deceptions and dishonesty. from feeling so special, the one n only, to feeling so superficial, shallow and on the surface. from feeling loved, to feeling hurt. from feeling so precious and treasured, to feeling like a dirt and whore. i wish it is real. but i've learnt to take things with a pinch of salt. so.. are connections illusions?