The Search Within

many times i forget how great a person i can/will be.
and everytime i neglect that little detail, i belittle myself, i abandon myself.

"...what the future holds i dont know,
im gonna stand up dust myself up just walk down to the end of the road
when something ends something begins
and now its just the end of the road
when someone loses someone wins
and now its just the end of the road..."



i'm sorry i will be stronger

Simple Life

i guess i forgot about what that means
i guess i forgot about being contented
i guess i forgot about how happy being contented is

i guess i just need to get myself back
the appreciative self, the organized self, the carefree self





i guess its then, that i will go back to the more accomplished self .

Loneliness

late at night it creeps in
comfortably it found a spot and sets in
it penetrates me and engulfs me
the influence so strong i cant overcome it



i'm feeling lonely

COUNTDOWN: 1 LAST DAY!

OMG!!! I cant wait.. just one more day

and everything is gonna be so fine ....

on the other hand, i wish i haf one more day..

so i can prepare better for my paper! DAMN!



but anyhow.. ONE LAST DAY!!! and it'll be FUN!





but then again, i'll have a nagging thought abt my results at the back of my mind. grrr

Slow down

so busy with work.
so caught up with emotions.
so blur the future seems.

yearning for a beach
yearning for a break
yearning for December

its times like that i want to slow down my pace

and enjoy my surroundings.



maybe thats the benefit to stay in hall- to be able to enjoy such pretty sunrise during exam period and take your woes away.





I want a break

Humour me !


(i) what happened to letting the cat out of the bag?

hur hur.. hoefully SPCA dont sue me for abusing the cat.. cos i was just taking the picture.. and it's just a makeshift food holder for the poor cat.. u know.. desperate times call for desperate measures.... so.. the cat was happy with that meal.. check this out !

see! she's a happy black cat! sooo preettyyyy...

(ii) Spot Wally

spot the cricket! cant do it?! lemme help you!

hahahah.. got really tickled when i was taking this picture.. it was damn hilarious!

(iii) Self- Fulfiling Prophecy in Practice

sometimes when i make use of my textbook knowledge and apply to real life, i get this great sense of satisfaction that can hardly be matched.

it really amuses me how people make use of Self-Fulfiling Prophecy to make themselves feel better. like how they would like to believe that girls like throwing themselves at them. OMG! just please look into the mirror!

right now i'll make it clear, im like a fish released into the vast ocean.. i do not need to leach onto a direction-less log.

at the same time it amazes me how stupid some bimbos can be to even listen and convinced by what you've said. she dont even know how u talked me into giving a second chance.. she didnt even know who was the one who couldnt let go after the countless letters..

lesson learnt: when twisting facts, make it sound real, so others spend lesser time trying to find out from the other party.

Thank God
-who ever you are-

i've finally found a rare black pearl among these sparkly clear diamonds.
i've finally found a low-rise jeans among these waist high berms.
i've finally found a playful child among these inch-thick glasses.

i've finally found a reflection and a storage for stories.

BeeeZeeee BeeeZeeee

it's been pretty packed for the last few days.

my schedule has been:
1630- end school and slack abit
1730- Street Netball challenge
2100- Entertain busy parents who come all the way to hall to bring me soup and dinner
2130- Dance practice
1230- Block Rep meeting and some duties
0100- Do tutorial
0230- sleep
0730- wake up for lectures

its packed like hell! but hey! im enjoying it.
i like it at times when i dont wanna think much to be crazily packed.
dont even have time to go and talk cock sing song with my neighbours.

and with such "time- table" i can still do my tutorial..
so thats really something that made me feel really refreshed!
its been very fruitful for the pass 3 days and yea..

hopefully i'll be able to start focusing on my presentations and my final yr paper.
distractions? nope! not at all! things that have to go will go..
it may sounds harsh, but whatever!

im not going to let someone who claims that he "love" me to screw up my fucking life.
(pun unintended)





dilemma- its when things that have been told dont coincide with the actions. punk!

Wrong Move!

Oh MY GAWWWDDDDD

its the wrongest move i can ever do..
esp in this environment...
wrong wrong wrong.... ahhhh....

i always believe that life is like a game.
and every move that i take is on the chess board.
and every wrong step i move, i'll have to bear the consequences that comes with it.
and now...

my life is now a chopping board.
it's not hard to believe that my name is spreading ard.
in 2 weeks time, it'll be a passe. b
ut from now to the 2 weeks, my name is smeared........

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH




wrong wrong move in a wrong wrong place.

the time when nothing matters

looking back at the pictures taken in Cambodia, i felt pangs of guilt and remorse over ridding me.. i look at the pictures as memories flash and brought me back to another time zone.

and then i realise how things in this "reality" (as my mom would say) is so complicated.
now, everytime i have some free time, i always look back at the times that i spent in Banlung so carefreely, hoping and wishing that i can just relive that moment for another minute.

the times in Banlung seemed so simple, stressless and slow paced.
right now, it is completely opposite; stressful, fast pace of living and complicated socio-cultural considerations.
i dont recall having any sanctions for any social classes, everyone seemed so contented.

on the other hand, that could be my view as an outsider of their daily lives.
i am advocating such harsh "reality" into my own world.


what happened to the times when nothing matters....
we were contented even when we didnt have any advanced technology..
we were happy living each day so carefreely
we were glad that nothing matter in this other dimension of life...





i wanna abandon this huge huge baggage of stress; unload it and gallop into somewhere where things seemed much simpler...

Youthful

as i crossed the road on a chilly rainy day, i saw a colourful bow hanging right in front of me.
for that moment, i thout i was brought back to yesteryears, where everything seemed so simple, stressless and carefree.

and then i realise, the older i get, the lessons i learnt in life got more intriguing and complicated.
a little too many to absorb at times and a little too much to take in at one point.
really feel like taking a break when everything is not in the right place.
avoiding, u may say, but who says it is wrong to run away from things?

it felt amazing how that bow with 7 different pastel shades have made my day.
perhaps this one of the little good things that happens in your hectic life to remind you that theres a little bit of good thing in negative things that are happening right now ..



bring me back to yesteryears

Hall Life

colourful, wonderful, beautiful...
the 1st look at my hall reminds me of chalet..
lotsa greeneries and tier roof short buildings.. no lifts and no private toilets..
however, i think the view here is really nice..
theres an attic which is my favourite chill out spot..
too bad, i dont have any pictures of the attic..

but, i do have a pic of the mesmerising sunrise that greets me every morning...

returning to hall is the one thing that i look forward to everyday..
friends, neighbours, and more friends and neighbours..
freedom is something that i cannot as for more right now...
like an eagle soaring in the wide blue sky.. man, it feels GREAT!

its so out of reach, no one controls any move..
no one questioning where u are going, what time are u sleeping, who are u hanging out with...
it's more like, independent and managing ur own time.. which also means, LADIES NITE!



of course that is not the ONLY activity around.. theres also STEAMBOAT! Yummy~




and also, there's our Drinking Sessions..


and also mahjong session (which unfortunately, i dont have pictures of that.. )

theres also bday celebration..
(which was held at the attic- and i always like to call that my Attica.. heh! )



on the flip side, laundry, cleaning, meals will be on my own... and the more disgusting part will be having to deal with insects... arrghhhh..


yes.. i woke up one day and found this creature lying on the floor.. and my courageous roomie help me swept it out... even now that is dead, its damn disgusting.. i didnt even dare to take the picture of its corpse.. this pic is taken with more than 1m away from the creature and me..

and did i mention that my beloved Toshiba 3yrs old laptop happily died on me?
yea.. for 2 weeks i had to reformat it every week.. like a weekly affair..
so in the end, when my dad and i couldnt revive it anymore, my daddy bought for me a Fujitsu LifeBook!! DADDY!! YOU'RE DA BEST!

isnt she pretty???

anyway.. thats abt all for my hall life..

sch is busy and i'll try to constantly update ma blog.. heh!

its when things seems the best, they often arent...

The Journey to the West

My Journey to the west has just begun....
train to Boon Lay and change a bus 179/199 (to hall)..
i know it seems easy but trust me.. the travelling is a bitch..
it took me 1.5hrs to get from Chinatown to NTU...

so i checked into my hall today.. got the keys and will be moving in by saturday..
the surrounding is nice.. it really feels like chalet to me.. hah!

soon, very soon, i'll have heaps and heaps of work and project be piling up...
after a long long break/fun/holidays, its time to pack up some playfulness and stuck my nose into the books again..



all seems well, but i feel incomplete, like a puzzle that lost a piece....

Perhentian, Here I Come!!!

yay... im leaving for Perhentian like NOW!!!!
i'm alrdy at Nim's Place... the train is leaving at 1820 and it'll be a 13 hr's ride...

so yeap.. dont mish me!!!

hehehehe


i'll miss u pple!!

The Reflection


what goes around really comes around huh!

so i've been relief teaching for the pass few days..
and gawd.. did the kids suck the life out of me?!??!
so drained....... BAH!

i saw the kid that i was.
the one that bully the teacher and challenges their athority!
BAH!!!




cher.. im sorry......

Perhentian Island!

i know i just returned from an island in late march,
but i wanna go on another holiday before my sch term starts!!!

and yeap! it'll be Perhentian Island in the Northeast Coast of Western Malaysia..

just going for a few days (like weekend holiday)..

so far, this is the plan...

SIN/Perhentian 13 Jul (Thurs) /14 Jul (Fri) 1850 / 0850
Perhentian 14 Jul (Fri) / 16 Jul (Sun)
Perhentian/ SIN 16 (Sun) / 17 Jul (Mon) 2030 / 1050


ok... some of u might be wondering... "hmm... where is this Perhentian place??"
tada!! this is where it is !! (circled red)





it'll be a weekend diving trip for me..
but along with me are peeps who dont dive as well..
so for both divers and non divers, all r welcome!
tell me ASAP in order to book train with BED!!! (p.s. its a LONG LONG ride)

still not convinced?? okie.. lemme tempt u abit

oh yea.... fine white sand and clear blue sea....

some more?? okie!

Check out the visibility! OMG! i can just drink the water there la !

So... interested applicants pls contact me ASAP! (best by this week! )

arent you tempted?

Balance

i believe theres a balance in everything that happens.
its like the open of one window closes the other.
like give and take ; gaining from what you've lost.

but where is the balance?
(i believe in my previous posts, this is a question that i have been trying to ans, but i can never place my finger on the balance point)

my friend once said "when you think that everything in your life is going perfectly smooth, then you are just overlooking something that is going very wrong" (i kinda like the way the sentence is phrased. )

i cannot agree more to the statement above.

why is it wrong for something to go perfectly smooth for once?

why is it that reality can never be part of any fairytale?

why is it that when you are truely happy, you realise that what you've been seeing is just another smoke screen?





why cant some mindless fairytale be part of the cruel reality?

Escapist

In life, many prefer to live in their own denial..
it might not be a wise choce, but some may prefer to avoid certain confrontations by their thoughts..

whats so wrong about making yourself happy by not thinking about such things right?

on one hand, it reduces the chances of being sad now
but on the other hand, it increases the chances of being hurt even more later.

So it all boils down to weighing ones priorities?

but sometimes when listing out all factors of concern, they all seem to point to the outcome which one is not in favour of. so, do i still have to put on the brave front and face the reality? cant i take a rain check? how bout make a later appointment?

why do people wanna avoid reality?



because living in their own fairytale is way colourful than in reality

gone Gone GONE!!!


arrgghhhhhh...............
after surviving for 3 and half years, my beloved laptop CRASHED!!!

its DEAD!!! arrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

everything's gone GONE GONE!!!! all GONE!!!
BAH.................

no more pictures.. no more music... no more documents... no more videos...


im one sad person..








well, on a brighter note, its a new start... Its all about positive thinking man...

Nothing is Really Something

i guess i really havent been updating for a long time...
What have i been doing??

yea... this is something that i guess many have wondered..
unknowingly, i have spent 6 weeks (well, i think more than that) doing NOTHING.
nothing productive... NOTHING!
it's pretty scary isnt it...

well, Nothing is really something...
ok.. i cant possibly be doing NOTHING in the past 6 weeks rite?
alright.. to make it sound less scary..

doing nothing includes reading, lazing, practicing piano, a little of packing, shopping, going swimming/ tanning, going to Pulau Ubin to cycle, going for movies, trying to make some dishes/ edible food, celebrating my birthday (hehehe), clubbing, etc..

see, nothing is really nothing...

want some pictures?? okie! ;)

thats me celebrating my bday on Singapore River.. followed by a madnight of PARTYING.. see the ABSOLUTE PEACH in the background? yea.. that caused someone to be sent back home.. hahahahaha.. im not saying who..

and doing nothing also includes doing up a Bean Bag! YIPPIE!! i've got a bean bag at home.. muaahhaha.. in the comfort of my own room... see how we are fighting with the styrofaom beans.. hah!

Shopping at Raffles City.. this House decor shop.. really like this picture.. it is named the Cocoon by the Great One .. hah!

been eating and shisha-ing..

despite being a glut i still go trekking and cycling okie! that's Pulau Ubin u see down there.. really nice ya.. hehe .. great weather (well, not really, it rained actually.. ) , great terrain, great company... its GREAT!

seee... so doing nothing really isnt doing nothing..

The Drug Abuser


You are like a drug..

At the beginning, symptoms are vague..
Like social smoking, I only do when you are available.
It was more like out of sight out of mind.
but now...

You are like a drug...

When I dont have it, I yearn for it
When I'm alone, I only have mind for it
When I cant get it, I become all gooey with mucus
When I got hold of it, I cant let go of it



You are a deadly drug and you got me hooked

Transitions



people say changes are good
they help people to get out of their comfort zone and grow.







they forgot to mention that with it, brings alot of pain and tears .

Amazing Koh Tao

Warning: this is going to be a long post! (by the way, the pictures below is courtesy of Glenn and Farhan)

so yea.. after 1 month.. im finally posting pictures of AMAZING KOH TAO!!

Day 1: Singapore / Phuket / Don Sak Pier / Koh Samui

so after touching down in Phuket, we took a mini van to Donsak Pier (5 hrs journey) to catch a 3 hrs ride on Ferry to Koh Samui.. On board the Ferry, we started snapping away..

when we finally reached Koh Samui, the island that we've been looking forward to since 3 months ago, we went through a tough time trying to search for a decent place to stay for the night and move on to Koh Tao the next day..

the day ended with dinner at the Ting Tong corner. hah! its really the name of that restaurant! the food was yummy! so after a long day of travelling, it really did pay off!

Day 2: Koh Samui / Koh Tao

at 1200, we board another ferry which took 4 hrs to transport us from Koh Samui to Koh Tao.. it was one hell of an experience and the sun was scorching...

the sun was scorching, the journey was long, the floors were burning but we all had fun!

when we were on the ferry, there were locals coming on board marketing their resorts on Koh Tao. but none of them approached us.. cos they all thought that we were locals. so this guy came and told us about BAN'S DIVING RESORT.. without much hessitation and considerations, we went to the Ban's Resort, along Sairee beach, where we spend the remaining days of our trip there. the beach was so beautiful.... couldnt wait any longer, we changed into our gears and headed to the beach to catch our 1st sun set at Koh Tao

as soon as we reached Ban's Resort, we signed up for the PADI Diving Course at 9800B.. it was a 4 days course and there'll be a test. licenses will only be given to students who passed with 75% and above.. so being Asian students, we spent our 1st night eating maggie and Mr. Murtabak with banana and mugging!!

Day 3: Koh Tao

after a night of mugging, we met up for a morning swim despite our theory lesson starts at 0830.. the beach was fucking nice! the water is so clear.. almost seem drinkable and the sand is so fine.. near the shore, there are dead corals and lots and LOTSA pretty fishes swimming ard.. den we embraced the water and swam carefreely with the fishes.

in the afternoon, after having our lunch at Orchid Restaurant, we were late for our confined waters training... during the lesson, we had to try out the wetsuit and other equipments.. the oxygen tank was so heavy.. but lucky for nor and i, we had our buddies to help us.. Thanx Glenn and Dan!!! in the pic with the back facing us is our beloved instructor NEIL!!

after the lesson we were so tired and after the dinner at Bingo- a very nice seaside restaurant with low tables and cushions.. there is a big screen and everynight they'll play different movies to entertain their diners. a lovely place with friendly staffs!- we knocked out..

Day 4: Koh Tao

today we had our very 1st open water dives. no pictures for that. but more up later.... this is the view from the diving boat out... really pretty ya..

tmr is the big exam day and so we were given a chance to complete the papers and hand it in tmr.. being KIASU, we went to one of the restaurants and discussed about the answers for the exam.. heh heh!

then the water looked so inviting.. so Glenn and i couldnt hold it back anymore, we went to stroll in the clear blue sea.

Day 5: Koh Tao

yay! its the last day for the course and we passed the test with flying colours!! muahahaha!! ok.. although we all had 1 qn wrong, but who cares ! its abv 75%.. and as of that day, we are CERTIFIED OPENWATER PADI DIVERS !

more pictures of the beautiful sunset...

and this was the best time of everyday.. embracing the water and enjoying the sunset..

Day 6: Koh Tao

LIBERATION!! finally... no more worries of being late for lessons, no more worries of not understanding, no more worries of not getting the license.. cos its ALL OVER! hah!

in the morning, when everyone was still lazing in bed i finally did my laundry after dayss.. and aft tt, fad n i left to 7-11 to have our breakfast.. thou it was a long walk, but its cheap! and we lazed by the pretty beach to enjoy our purchase..

and then the rest of the day was just chilling, lazing, tanning, shopping and swimming... the pool is just like 5 steps from the girls' bunk.. and on the right, thats the guy's bunk...

if we're not doing the activities, half the time we'll be chilling at Bingo.. eating, or drinking or writing in the journal... Mango shake and Strawberry shake is a must -try!

Day 7: Koh Tao

another lazy day.. but we (Glenn, fad n i) made an effort to walk to the Mae Haad Town.. hmmm... which way??

along the way we passby part of the beach with lotsa nudists! glenn was having a goodtime den. heh!

pictures along the way...

Day 8: Koh Tao / Koh Pha Ngan

we slept in till ard 12 den woke up.. and aft lunch we dressed up and head to Koh Pha Ngan for the FULL MOON PARTY!! getting there...

and on our way to Koh Pha Ngan, the ferry stalled again! which reminds me of my experience in Cambodia.. haha.. only except this time, theres more passenger, bigger ferry and the water isn't knee height! fadilla arguing abt Khmer numbers.. heh heh..

PARTY TIME!!

Day 9 : Koh Pha Ngan / Koh Tao

so after a wild night of partying we returned back to our little island.. heh! we all so worn out.. i took my stuff headed to the beach and had a gd sleep on the beach and at the same time tanning.. heh! the rest were resting in the room but me. so no pics for this day.. cos everyone was knocked out.

at night, all of us spent hrs sitting ard doing nothing.. it was great. it felt great. we were just chilling, enjoying the soft waves crash upon the shore... i was laying on the sand embraced in the cool sea breeze and then wrote my journal under the silver moonlight. it was AWESOME !

Day 10: Koh Tao

couldnt resist the temptation no more, the divers, consist of Glenn, Dan, Nor and i, we went to sign up for 2 fun dives! at 700 baht each. i think it was worth every cent of it! this time we managed to catch the sight of Stingrays.. an ultra big trigger fish.. super huge promfrets and i was alrdy salivating. heh! a HUGE school of baracudas and Selau Kunning..

more pictures on board the dive boat..

the beautiful sunset.....

so its the last night that we'll be spending in Koh Tao. dinner time, we had a sumptous meal... well, actually all our meals was delicious! *slurps* dinner time, Bingo was playing the 40 Year Old Vigin.. hah! it was funny! after dinner, we were dead beat. when footing the bill, i ran into David.. then he reminded me that we shouldnt be spending our last night sleeping!

so yea.. David. remember the Full Moon Party that i mentioned? yea... during which, nor and i was dancing our asses off while glenn was resting by the beach.. and the rest were eating at Mr K's Restaurant. so David came over with his bucket ( they drink from a bucket where they mix all the drinks and alcohol and drinks from the bucket) and offered us some drinks. so we drank, hoping tt it's not spiked or wad... so he was hanging around and dancing and talking and stuff. later in the night, well.. later in the day, David and i had some time talking.. and we bid gdbye as it was time for us to return to Koh Tao.

and this day tt we were registering for our fun dive, we ran into him again at the door of our Resort. and may i add that there is alot other resorts around the island. so yea. i was quite shock to see him there. so at night, nor n i went to chill at this bar / pub called PURE. it was cool.. very chilled out and relaxing.. so David came to chill too. we were talking about Singapore's history! hah! such a intellectual talk that we engaged in..

this is the best pic i haf of PURE. in the alleviated platform they had huge bean bags around while on the beach they had little holds dug and candles burning in them, with cushions lying ard. so pple just go there get a drink and chill by the beach.. it would be perfect if there wasnt so many mosquitoes around. i returned with more than 10 new bites!

Day 11: Koh Tao / Surathani

so yea. its the last day on the beautiful island. although slept late (like 4am) but had to be up by 1000 so we cld pack up! for the 1st time of the trip, the guys woke up earlier than we did. the whole day was busy.. we lepak at Bingo for the last time, went shopping then, the girls went for Thai Massage, while the guys went for Aroma Therapy. more shopping, dinner and at 2000, we left Ban's Resort to catch our night ferry to Surathani which is the mainland of Thailand.

our last sunset from the Orchid Spa- where the guys had their Aromatherapy massage.

so it was time to bid goodbye to Koh Tao. we board the ferry and the nxt day 0500 we'll reach Surathani. bye Koh Tao.

Day 12: Surathani / Phuket / Singapore

so yea. we woke up in the ferry at 0500.. Fad, Glenn and i headed to Phuket to take our flight back to Singapore. the travelling part is a killer la .. but well, it was budget.. so beggars cant be choosers! so we went to Phuket, had our last meal - Dunkin Donuts, and headed back to Singapore. at the airport, Glenn and i had a little backpack fight. hah! and the view from Jetstar's window which marks the end of my journey.

when we touched down, Michael was alrdy waiting for me at Changi Airport.. so sweet of him.. and i headed home. and back to this little cosmopolitan city!

Bye Koh Tao.. it was fantastic! my perfect post graduate vacation