exSPArience

Mmmmm... i smell GOOD!! smell like a Strawberry Shortcake.
so today i had my first Spa Experience at one of the outlets at Holland village.

my selected package was: Strawberry Butter Meltdown..
it sounds so yummyslurpybootylicious... and well, it turned out as nice as the name is!

so first my mom n i had to strip naked and change onto a g-string and put on the shower cap..
and den laid flat there and the started to smother hot oil n massage..
it is so ADDICTIVE! oh my.. it felt so AWESOME!

so aft the full body massage, BERRIES and sea salt was used to scrub n remove dead skin cells!!
and that smelt so HEAVENLY!!

to top it off, we bathed in the open!
well, not exactly open, but i cld see the sky thru the plastic shelter and there was a tree rite outside the bathroom!
the bathroom was like a little wooden shed.. real nice... it was so Banlungish (just the bathroom)



ok.. now who wans to eat me? i smell like a Strawberry Shortcake! *slurps*

(not-so) Merry Christmas!


i started off my Christmas eve being too sad about somethings in life..
i woke up due to excessive tears when i was trying to keep my eyes shut n go back to slp..
how merry a christmas can be.....

so i was debating whether i shd bum at hm and enjoy the serenity or shd i just go out to haf fun (without my frens).. i thout, either ways, i'll not feel so merry anyway..
aft much contemplating, i chose the latter.. i'd rather be out probably laughing at some random people on the streets then to be sulking at hm..

sso i had my super-fun-time-Christmas Eve counting down with a stranger that i knew 2 days ago.. but he sure had brought much laughter to my Gloomy Christmas.. with many "inspiring" talks.. greatly appreciated..


oh... and may i add... walking along the streets this Christmas, sure as hell, wasnt so merry.. people, practically strangers just spray white foam to other strangers walking along the streets. half the time we were escaping from these white christmas.


jingles from the cans
makes me want to scam!

Gone... Not Really..

the nutritious part of me have became the residue and sank deep into the glass.
somehow somethings just dont hang around anymore. more like separated..
it has not disappeared. just detached.
forming a visible division between the residue and the remaining liquid..

looking back at my previous posts, i felt much more a "better person" then..
something is amiss.
i left bits n pieces of goodwill as i reach for the future, which turns out to be a handful of dust.
the treasure in me has sunken into the deep blues, which left me with transparent liquid.
leaving me feel so shallow, incomplete and uncontented...


the precious jewels are just gone for a moment...

0011!!!!! *WINK*


so i had a LOUSY nite..
and to make things worst, i woke up with swallon eyes..
and i tried watching something funny that didnt tickle me!
den i had to deal with my own procrastination...
so u think that is the end of the bad karma? nooo...
i had to run into different people with different temper...


and things start to turn better...


first, i had fun at pool and catching up sec sch gossips (thou much still not known and never will)
and i had even more laughs at Burger King with the Kampucheans
and thats not the end... we had SECRET RECIPES!
there was even more anxiety when we were trying to plan for the Malaysia Backpacking trip...
finally, we end the crazy day at TIMES with The Book of Answers (or something like that.. i wouldnt mind having that for Christmas! *wink!*) HAHAHA!!!

the times with great friends!

the benefits of having a DICK!

you read it correctly.. this damn gender segregation is REALLY PISSING ME OFF!

1. get to study overseas even without much persuasion
2. get to be pampered when you were a baby until now u r 21 you still do!
3. get to stay out late cos your life will not be in danger
4. get to go on holiday without much discussion with parents
5. get to shout n storm and nothing NOTHING will happen to you
6. gets EVERYTHING that you motherfucking want!
7. gets to run away from all the household chores!
8. GETS TO INHERIT YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S STALL AT THE AGE OF 21!!!

the day that i dont return u should jolly well know why!

technology

i think it is one of those things that i hold a love-hate relationship with..
something that i can live without yet many times i rely on...


for weeks my Lappie have been down with throat inflammation cos i uninstalled stuff that i thout was unnecessarry for her.

i felt so crippled and incomplete..
im so sorry Lappie..

now that ur voice is back, it's time to call for celebration!! hahaha.. the kind of joy n jubilation is indescripable....


always rely on the Recovery Disc!

the insignificance


you might have done lotsa telling but not talking..
you might have been looking but not seeing..

i might be missing, but im not thinking.

i might be rambling, but im actually saying..



i feel like people have been hearing but not listening.
and i feel real teeny weeny

oooooohhhh


this damn world is really unfair la...
why dun guys have gastric pain n menstrual cramps at the same time????


i can feel the acidic gastric juice secreting out of the glands... through the 4 layers of membrane into the stomach.... and the hole forming on the wall........



stupid gender segregation!!!

and so i thought....

for the past 19 years (or lesser since i didnt really think when i was a baby), i thought i was an optimist...

probably i was, when i was younger, and had lesser things to worry about, and lesser setbacks to experience.

people have been telling me "are u sure u are an optimist? u think so negatively" and i'll just ignore their comment like how much do u know me laaa..

until today.. like right now, talking to a fren and reflecting on wad i haf wrote, i really am a pessimist....



fren :
what do u think of being in a relationship?

Buttimus Maximus :
everytime i get into a relationship, i know that it WILL end one day

fren :
usually relationship wont last long right

Buttimus Maximus :
it will never last. period.

Buttimus Maximus :
even aft u get married, u'll either end up divorced or die

Buttimus Maximus :
which in both cases will ultimately end the relationship

Past vs. Future

for a long time i have been staying put in the dark tunnel with hope shining in one end and sweet memories being on the other.

for a long time i have been in the tunnel admiring the sweet memories and was afraid to enter the scorching hopes.

when the rays of hope seems gentle, i tried to leave the tunnel. but NO! it turn out to be boiling hot and i'ved been scalded.


those heat makes my tears roll to the back of my throat.

drown

many times i have sunk in and not reach the bottom of the swamp..
wad makes me think that this time i'm able to come in contact with the muddy bed of the swamp?
the water is so murky and dense. yet, i still chose to sink myself in to search for the bottom!



such people just deserve to be drowned!

Gee!


and once again, i havent been writing in here for a long time..
been pretty busy with stuff..

and did i mention? damn, it is tough to play the guessing game!
i have to been constantly guessing wads going through the other person's mind so as to make sure that im on save grounds and be prepared and not caught off guard! the more practices you haf, the higher the possibility that you will be a successful psychic

sometimes it really isnt that tough. just that pride suddenly seems readily availabe, and other nonsense is in the way! BAH!!

and as if things arent bad enough, all the anticipation keeps racing in my head! with all those overweighing expectations, i feel like im going to crumble!



but that was the best outing i had for a long while...

It Should Not Be There


somethings never seem to change.

from the start, it was a mistake.

but NO! it wasnt nipped in the bud....

and instead, i helped to blossom this blunder to a sin....



say hello to the Real World

aStray

u know some people are just not the best people to befriend....


because...
living in their society is like a place where "Play Down" are the 4-letter words and Exaggerations came with no extra charges.

in their kingdom, Targets, Plans and Aims are never on the agenda..
they achieve their goals by practicing Randomness and Spontaneity..

Normal is nothing that they yearn to be..
They especially love to be Dramatic or better still, Melodramatic!

Welcome to the world of NIMRTA!

but its with all these electrifying impulsiveness that makes me giggles laaaaa....

we talked from a bday planning, to debating whether closing one eye is tiring or twoo.. and then analysed that who is more updated, and then everything all end in the crack of un-glam laughter!

Loves it! That's Hot!

the greatest mishaps when pursuing education....

1. lousy timetable...
2. great distance btw one tutorial to the other...
3. lousy modules...
4. not so gd lecturers/tutors...
5. and the worst......... LOUSY CLASSMATES!!!
6. lastly, the DEADLY MISFORTUNE>>>>>>>>> LOUSY PROJECT MATES!

i havent been writing much abt my sch life.. last semester was the greatest semester EVER. and this being my last sem (**touchwood**), i haf to deal with all these bitchy people and stoopid free-riders...

and after my detailed analysing skills, i realised............

• in Yr 1, people actually do group up with the free-riders in a proj grp cos they do not know each other and thinks that everyone is as hardworking as the ants and thus grp with anyone that they found left alone....

• when reach Yr 2, all these free-riders will not pass certain modules (probably due to the low peer-evaluation marks- which i personally think is bull shit since they still get promoted!)and hence they haf to join different classes in order to fit into their timetable.. so the innocent new classmates think that they are so poor thing and have no one to group with, hence took them in...

• so Yr 3 comes.. do u think by now they change?? NO!!! they still free-ride and leave off others!! the more ridiculous one is that she does not participate in the proj discussion but when presentation, she acts as if she did every damn thing! and by now, almost everyone knows who are the hardworking little ants and who are the free-riders.. so nobody wants to grp with them and they can all group together and hug together and die! but guess wad?? NO!!!! i haf to be placed there becos of my tutor suggests that we shd work with diff pple cos when we enter the workforce, we cant choose who we wanna wrk with.....

if i had a teacher who told me that the world is never fair when i was 15, and i got disappointed and suffered through, i WILL NOT tell my 19 yr old student the same thing.

why do you have to let a student suffer wad you had to bit your lips to pull through?

stifled..

for the past 2 to 3 weeks, i tried to write something, but i haf difficulty expressing myself.
i wanna type and get some of my thoughts out, but they were stuck in the bottleneck.
everytime i logged in, i hope to get something interesting out, but i failed..

looking at the last few entries, i couldnt apprehend wad was the thought behind posting such entries.. i was lost. it was an entry that i wanna write something but i cant think of it.


like a mental blockage. haf u had that before?


so den i was lying in my bed just now, and stared at the window.
behind it was pitch dark sky with seemingly dropping crystals to enhance the night.
the air was cool, and the sound of the rain was far and sounded it was approaching.


that was when i realised, where my thoughts and expressions were- kept right next to my solitude.

i thought they left me and never return. but in fact, i was the one who kept them there to accumulate dust.

i was involved in gatherings, trips, plannings, shoppings, clubbings, etc. i hardly had time for myself and to observe and analyse wad is gg on ard me. so that was why they crept away.
i think being emotionally involved is the biggest factor that they left.


i felt really handicapped without them.

Disappointment...


times when hopes are built and then smashed hard, that's wad it is......


why is it that life never goes according to plans?
why is it that whatever i hope that will happen NEVER happens?
why is it that only when my hopes are brought up that they got smashed real hard?
why is it that things can never be perfect?
why is it haf to be so tough on me?


why is it the back of the throat feels so bitter??

L.O.S.T

i've lost my handphone before and i survived the scolding..
i've lost my EZ-link before and i managed to outlive for a month..

but i cannot bear the confusion for being lost in a topic.

when everyone around seems to know wads going on, and im struggling to grasp what just went pass, only to realise that im holding to a handful of sand, with grains slipping pass every moment.

conclusion: Confusion...

when i fall in love.......

joyouse occassions and weddings are sometimes the best and worst times all at once.

the people and the crowd makes the atmosphere so happy and chirpy.
then suddenly, i felt like i was surrounded by a thick layer of wall.

and the phone went ribbet ribbet and everything seems perfect again..



sometimes i think the guessing game is better than the answer behind it.

Benefits of being a lady:

1. excused from NS.
2. cheap and nice clothes available in alot of places.
3. if your date doesnt believe in going dutch, you're not the one that has to pay! =p
4. able to switch between skirts and pants, heels and flip flops, blouse and tube tops...
5. able to exploit Ladies Night and club hop!

Despite the irritating menses and the frustrating cramps, i love being a girl! =)

anonymous

have you had problems with anonymous taggers?

seriously, i dont care if they come and say "hey, i think you're beautiful"
but all these mother-son [quote unquote char] have to leave offensive things like "you bitch" or "you think you're beautiful but you're just bla bla bla..."

and maybe i can understand the reason for the former tagger to not leave his/her name cos they are shy to praise others.

but if u really wanna scold someone or put ur point across, leave your name behind. so at least i'll know who did i offend in what way, in order to change right???


shut your trap if you just wanna vent!

The Balance Beam

too much of something can be irritating.

so, once again, where is the optimal point?
at which point do you know that you did not go overboard and become an irritant??

what is the amount of cheese that makes people gelak?
well, some people just don't get sick of cheese.. *giggles*

how should anyone know where is the balance point to be standing comfortably on the wire?


but then again, why should i care what others think?
but we shd be considerate, right??


so, how many teaspoons of stickiness shd be mixed in someone before he/she is labled as irritating??

Straight.

I think that girls are the most troublesome creature on earth. It is so difficult for us to get optimal point for everything.

For girls, it is not just cold or hot, it's more than that. like there's warm, or ice cold, or freezing cold. And it is not just like or dislike- there is crushes, infectuations, love, and even love-hate relationship (which, if you think about is really an oxymoron).

Like sometimes, you just so much wish that your date/boyfriend/fling/whoever could just spend more time and call you more often and so on. Well, fairy godmother says your wish shall come true. than, she sends this other guy who fits into the description.

he called all day, msg n msg n msg, and called and called n called. and suddenly, you just wish that fairy god mother takes back her gift. very nice of her, but he is way too sticky and hell of a stinky slimeball.

So, like i was saying. It really is tough to figure out wad girls are thinking. So i guess i'll rather be straight than to figure out wad another girl is thinking when i cant even figure out what im thinking. one moment you want someone who is ALWAYS there and now that you have someone who is ALWAYS there you wish that you had never made that wish.

So basically, it is not just black or white. there are often grey spots and maybe that certain grey spot is more to the black or not so dark a grey. well, ya, you get the drift. just no CERTAIN answer in their head. the answers always differ based on situation.

continue to try to figure out the optimal point.

Why do i dislike Dentists?

1. they use scientific terms like a molar and calcium hydroxide and a spoon which dont mean to be a spoon, and other terms that i dont understand.
2. they have gazillion tools spread out ready to torture their patients who do not take good care of their teeth.
3. they are constructors in disguise. they do digging and polishing and drilling (which of course i hate most)
4. you pay money to suffer.
5. that smell in their office.
6. you're supposed to feel better after the dental visit. but im in pain......... aaaaaooooouuuwwwwuuuu....

i'd rather starve than to visit a dentist.

Turn Back Time

have you ever wish that you could turn back time and take back what you've said? i have.

but once a blunder is made, no matter how hard you try, the scar is there.
no matter how much time you turn back, or whatever you do to try to cover, the hideous scar remains. it will never disappear.

no matter how much nice things a person can say, the darker side still remains dark and everything will just be said as putting on an act. so, isnt it hypocritical alrdy?

im confused. i cant put my finger to it. another swirl of mess....




words... broken... scars... regret... past... different....

Planned

Do you believe that everything that happens in your life is planned? i do. and i just witnessed it happening.



At one family gathering, Uncle A was drunk and began to spout nonsense. He started scolding and humiliating Uncle B who was totally innocent. So, the fight began...

Until this day, both of them still refuses to talk to each other. Uncle B is still very pissed to this day and is not willing to forgive the drunken ass.



So, there was this day...
Uncle A was treating us to lunch at a restaurant

Uncle A: this meal is gonna be better than the one that Uncle B will be having at hm to celebrate the son's engagement. hahahahaha...

Uncle A: *cough cough* (choked on Fish Bone)

Uncle A : continue coughing.... and then blood came out.

Uncle A's daughter sent him to the hospital.

After settling the bills, we rushed to the hospital hoping that he'll be fine. As soon as we reach the hospital, we saw Uncle B's son. so i was thinking, why did he reach even earlier than us?? hmmm...

well, actually Uncle B is admitted into the hospital as well....


hmmm.. so now both of my unlces can have "great time" together in the hospital....


i guess they planned it!

SHOPPING!!!!

Monday

"Due to busy landing in Bangkok International Airport, the time that we will estimate to touch down will be 5 mins to 10pm. Thank you."While this announcement was made, the SQ flight making a transit in Bangkok to Narita was circling the city, ready to land. When we finally left Bangkok International Airport, it was not the usual scene that greeted us. It was raining cats and dogs and was quite chaotic, i wld say.

Exhausted cars and motorcycles stopped in the middle of the road due to (according to my dad) water entering the exahust pipe, while man drenched in clothes plastered to their body were desperately trying to flag down a cab, and there i was in the mini van, witnessing all these. While i was peering out of the window, i felt more like being at the Tong Le Sap River than in Bangkok- where the flood was of knee height, and the water around was equally murky. Looking at other vehicles around stuck in the rain, i was already folding the bottom of my jeans, ready to be in the action.

Tuesday

As the day broke, i was already thinking of wad wld be laid out for my breakfast. and indeed, it was mouth- watering.

Spent the whole day shopping in MBK and later at night, the Suan Lum Night Market- definitely a good place to go if you're gonna renovate your hse.

Wednesday

Visited the traditional Floating Market. on our way there, we stopped by this railway market, and past by lotsa villages which really reminded me of Banlung! (accprding to my mom, this Floating Market is near Song Kla- which is the spot that got bombed! yikes! )

had the strangest series of dream that night whereby each dream is not related to anyone.

Thursday

last minute shopping and enjoy every minute as i tried to converse in Thai.

oh! and *beep* hmm... who could be messaging me at 0900 in the morning?!?! the school!! and it was the results!!! well, i guess effort really do pay off huh!? but im still very surprised as to how well i can score when i really do not understand the module. maybe that's the deal to scoring, right?

many times i wonder. do i enjoy more of the sight seeing tours or just the plane ride and yummy breakfast awaiting for me every morning.

hmmm...

Havent been blogging for, erm, a while...
so much to write.
but i dont know where to start.
hmmm.....

it's like a bowl of swirling mess!!
hmmmmm....

like the stomach that was filled with ice-kacang, then a hot kopi, then a cheesecake.
hmmmm.....

MESSY!!!

"Good Morning, Miss"

greetings are something that can really touch someone esp done with a smile.
weel, i personally think so.
there is an increasing number of bus drivers who greet their passengers.
besides they have became increasingly polite too.

human are just suckers for nice words. no? fine! just me!!

Insignificance

enuff said

things will never be the same anymore. bye.

The Dead Lizard

do you believe in life after death?
have you ever wonder where the spirit of the dead cockroach goes after being slammed by your slippers?
have you wonder where the spirits of the little ants float to after being squashed by the at fat thumb of yours?
well.. i was wondering.. hmmm....

lizards have never looked so harmless before.

one super early morning, like 2 am, i decided to go to the toilet. as i switched on the light, i saw this nicely curled lizard seemingly ready to pounce on some little irritating flies, and i got shock a little as i saw it curled there. i brisked pass it, hopefully it will not come in my direction.

after using the toilet as i return to my room, it was still in that curled up position. and this time, it looked so harmless and pale. for a moment, it looked montionless.

the next day morning, a witness reported saying the lizard body was surrounded my massive amount of ants.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

upon hearing the news, that moment i felt so sorry for the lizard!
gee! i felt sorry for that lizard that never fail to scare me by hiding behind the doors everytime i need to go toilet late at night!

and the 2nd thought was, people always believe in life after death. wad bout lizards, ants and cockroaches?

do they get released during the hungry ghost festival too?

isn't it ironic?

hmmm... is blog really a space for one to vent their anger and frustrations?
there is an increasing number of bloggers who got charged for illegal ramblings..
and that makes me think twice about the content that i want to "write" in my DIARY.

so, how did the authorities know about such cases?
do they hang around n read everyone's blog everyday?
wouldn't they offend people who really wanna keep their blogs PRIVATE?

isn't it ironic that authorities who acquire legal knowledge are violating the public's privacy by poking their noses into other people's personal diary?? [char, pls educate me on some legal issues, hahaha]

and now, as im posting this, i have a weird and constant feeling that some authoritative figure is reading my post......

and now im scared that i'll be charged for posting this. *yikes*
but, isnt it ironic?

Best moments...

- when you go home and strike off the number of days left
- when you go home and file up the notes that are no longer useful
- reading the examination paper and know that you've got all it takes
- knowing that you've beat the Distraction Demon!

Worst moments...

- days n days without ample rest
- slog n slog n slog
- leaving the exam hall regretting not writting certain things
- the burning desire to see something that i havent go a chance to for like EVER!

What i hate most is the time everyone discusses about the paper outside the exam hall!

Friends

it can be a very superficial thing, or even something that is just for show. but i truely treasure each and every one of my friends. sappy, i know.

but i'm not here to just say a whole lot of things that i dun feel for and just to make myself feel better. neither am i here to show that- there, i've apologise. it's up to you to forgive me. it's not the whole purpose of this entry.

to Charlotte:
Initially, i really didnt know what i've done was wrong. it didnt occur to me that you wanna get away from people, i thought it was just a person. i'm truely sorry and i hope this dun get into the way of our 7 years of friendship.

Besides that, we have been chatting but we havent been talking to one another. I've learnt alot about you from a 3rd party. that's not how i want our friendship to turn out to be. im not saying anyone is at fault for all these to happen. if anyone has got to be blamed, it has to be me, for not taking out my time to get together with you, for not taking the initiative to call, for not understanding you.

but on the other hand, i chose not to do any of these. i dont know wad to say, and i dont know what you guys are saying. i'm lost and i feel that im no longer in the picture.

so whatever i've said, i'm really sorry, and i dont want this to get in between our friendship.

love, KY.

Proven

yes! it has been officially proven....

being in a relationship leads to an increase in bimboism, aka intellectually stumped!
it has been clinically tested on both me n NIMRTA KAUR SANDHU!

this irritating slut cant stop gushing bout her darling.. arrrggh!! go away!! but little does she realise that he is turning her into a bimbo as the day goes by... hahaha...

Against Animal Testing!

SPIES!

i swear these people out there who hates me hire spies to check out my exam timetable.

and then wad they do with it?

they just send it to ALL the bloody contractors that u can ever find in Singapore and they all decide to come to Chinatown to starts drilling n knocking n slamming.

it's like EVERY EXAM PERIOD, they will start to drill n drill n drill... arrrggghhhhhhh

i swear they are out to get me!

10 years ago...

i was in my little blue and white uniform, playing hopscotch and five stones before the morning assembly, running around the basketball court during recess, and peering into the murky pond water before remedial. That, was my Primary school life. i was not in the best instituition, but i had the best mix of company- Australian, Indonesians, HongKongers, Chinese, etc.

today, we met up for a little get togather, all being 19s and 21s. like every kind of gathering, there bound to be some groups missing, but that did not spoil ours. we had great chats and i've gained alot of knowledge from this social activity. and my world seems to be so minute, so limited, so planned and peaceful, so delusional.

so i've learnt that Alex's (21) hometown is not Australia; it's Papua New Guinea- Cool Shit! and his experiences and how they have homemade shotguns and his encounters with them. but besides the threat, he also shared the nature and greens, and his favourite pastime- fishing. he also offered to play as a nice host when i goes to PNG.

like every class, there will bound to be a joker. this other guy (21) that met up with us today made our primary sch days more colourful. although he is not book-smart, he is streetwise. stopped at N level and enter NS. he is currently working, dealing with foreign students coming into Singapore. heard that he is preparing for his own business and he's getting engaged before this year ends.

and in every typical class, there will be this Loser (19). he is the guy that nobody wanted to play with because people thinks that he is just so lousy. not book-smart either, but definitely can if he puts in effort. currently in ITE but is involved in some MLM business and already has 5 digits in his bank account by his own effort.

lastly, every class has this girl that always jumps around, luagh and be mad. this mad girl (19) is currently studying in NP Business Studies, but she is not planning to haf any sort of business- at least not in the near future. she has not seen the real world, not getting engaged, neither is she working. needless to mention, there is no 5 digit figure in her bank account.

what have achieved in my 19 years of life?

Dreams

do dreams come true?
i hope they do..
you became my boo
as i paint myself blue..

arrrgggh wadever...

so.. once again i've got another dream intruder! hmph!
hey! no trespassing through private property, ok! and it's not like one night, it's like for NIGHTS!
bah!

though some part of my cells do wish that the dream comes true.. *giggles*

EXCLAIM!

as if i havent exclaimed enough, i'll do it one more time:
I HAVE GOT THE GREATEST DAD ON EARTH!

he always makes me feel so special and loved, like such a daddy's girl.
well, i guess that's the balance in life. like how within your family, you've got a daddy's girl and a mommy's boy. hmph! who cares about that boy...... bleah!

hehehahaha..
and i guess the weekly blading session has definitely build up our father-daughter relationship.
my daddy just bought me a pair of the latest guard, a pair of padded socks and 2 months back, he changed my lousy Ultra Wheels running at bearing 3 to current Salomone skates running at bearing 5. and last week he just told me that maybe i wld want to trade in for a pair of aluminium skates. as in the bar thingy is aluminium...

hehehahaha.. call me materialistic. but i feel so special.. :D *grins*

responsibility....

have you ever arranged with someone for a movie date like ages ago and on that day itself, she decided to go MIA? for no particular reason. she just went MIA cos she just feels like going on her MIA mode.

ok, probably it is understandable cos she needs time with herself.. but HELLO! wad about the same thing happening TWICE?!

i've tried ALL sort of tools of communication hopefully i can get some response from her! i've called her, smsed her, left a voicemail for her, waiting on msn for her, but guess wad..

cmon. just guess..

THERE'S STILL NO RESPONSE FROM HER! HMPH!

im pissed. u can be doubly sure that i will NOT have any ANY kind of arrangements with YOU! HMPH! Call me petty! i dun care! havent you thought about the others? how are they gonna arrange for their own plans? huh huh huh huh huh ?!??!!!?

nevertheless, i still caught Charlie. yes! FINALLY!

the best kind of prize is surprise... (but pls. not THIS Kind of surprise)

Traffic

as my dad was driving through the highway on our way home from our weekly-daddy-and-daughter-east-coast-bladding session, somehow i got reminded of the accident by the junction a few days back.. and how will it be if WE were involved in the accident...

then, i recalled how the traffic flowed when we were in Cambodia. particularly, Banlung.
their vehicles do not have the side mirror, especially Motorbikes- their most common mode of transport. As soon as we left the airport in Phnom Penh and headed to Kratie, i could hear the honkings of the car surrounding the city, which reminded me of Singapore when we got stuck in traffic jams. drivers starts honking and rushing others to move. but unlike Singapore, in Cambodia, when someone honks, it is to warn the vehicle in front that he/she is coming nearer and is overtaking, so be careful.

wouldn't this world be more wonderful if people starts to look from a different perspective?

Regret...

i seldom or never felt regret for the things i do and the decisions i made.
but i just did.
i did not meant to be rude, but my mom is really a pain in my ass...
i regret for being nasty and not apologizing. but hey! it's in our culture rite?
oh whatever.

if you ever see this mom, i'm sorry.

BAH!!!!!!!!!!! but it takes 2 to tango rite? hmph!
have you ever thought why? probably you can go sugar ur favorite son with all you have!
arrrrgggghhhhhhhhhh.......
WHATEVER!
i dont like this feeling at all!!!!!!!! HMPH!

if my dreams ever do come true, i'll leave this country when i turn 25 or 26. leave this hell and say hello to the next hell..

Hotel Rwanda

heart-wrenching.

depicts how some people fight helplessly in the attempt to save their loved ones, while on the other hand, some other people who have the means and authority to help refuses, just because of the mathematical figures of benefits.

shows how hatred, rumours and words causes a massacre.

The Maid

pretty cool for local production.
especially love the twist whereby the son- Ah Soon was actually a ghost.
love it!

2 movies in 1 day! woot! I'm still pretty fate-less with Charlie.

obsession

everytime i try to put this behind me, it pops out due to some articles, words, posters, names, scenarios, ...

hmmm.. wad is obsession?

i think it means to hold on to the netball for more than 3 seconds during a court game. hehe
gosh.. what happened to the sports that was once my passion?

what happened to the goal of being a netball umpire?

so i guessed i got caught by the umpire for having obsession. but i have no idea which direction should i throw this ball to. no direction.

cCcRRaasSSssSH!

so i sat in front of my desk hopefully some brainjuice will be generous enough to flow out, but no! they have to be stuck in that twisted lump of pink toufu. as i flipped through various references and almost started on my resume that i have to hand in tmr...

-CRASH-

an accident happened at this junction near my house. to all, it is a very dangerous road junction- cuts at Furama Hotel and Apollo Centre- so pls avoid that junction. while to anyone who would like to be involved in any car accident, pls go ahead. come to Chinatown. probably we can have breakfast/lunch/dinner/supper at the famous Hong Lim Food Complex and den i can send you to the junction just in case u think that you might get lost.

so ya. being kaypo, i left my study desk and went to my corridor/window to take a peek. it was a traffic accident involving a car and a motorbike. well, obviously, the one that had injuries was the motorbike rider, while the car was still in one piece. (well, from far it seems like 1 piece.) so, there was this bike lying right at the corner of the junction and its rider got thrown away to a distance seemingly 5 metres.

the cops took 5 mins to arrive and 2 mins later, the ambulance arrived. however, within that 5 mins, no one stayed there trying to comfort the victim. people come and go and walked away. the victim was sitting in the middle of the road and could not move. but no one tried to signal to the oncoming vehicle that someone is in the road, which i thought was pretty dangerous.

the ambulance reached in 7 mins but they took 15 mins before they are able to put the victim on stretcher and up into that little white and red vehicle. so when finally the victim got some aid and was on the way to the SGH (that would only be logical since SGH is like 5 mins from the accident spot), the policemen finally question the reckless driver, checking both the bike and the car and put on the sign- which i guess said "ACCIDENT".

this reminds me of my lecture today- Crisis Management. well, in this case it's not really crisis la. but the flow was smooth.

at least it is not a case of hit-and-run. the driver totally had the time to do that and the car was in a good-enough condition to do so.

ok.. back to considering my future and what i've done in the pass...

Too much?

far FAR too much...
- topics for exams.
- project submissions before right exams.
- papers for exams.
- days for exams.
- things bothering me. STOP bugging me!

never too much...
- time
- holidays
- fun!
- care and concern

never too much shoulders. cos it can only be too many shoulders. hyuck hyuck

have you ever..

... chanced upon an article and it seems to be speaking to you?
... ran into someone and he/she regurgitate some scenarios that is similar to yours?
... overheard someone talking to another person and it seems like he/she is talking to you?
... stared at an object and it seems to be saying something?





... left?

somethings close to your heart, you just hope to keep by forever.

Girlies

i miss going to Cheekys.
i miss going to Cheekys with my girlies.
i miss going to Cheekys with my girlies and drowning my sorrows in drinks.
i miss the podium of Cheekys.
i miss going crazy with that in du ren and the mashmallow on the podium.
i miss going crazy with that in du ren and the mashmallow on the podium when Mundian To Pache Kerehi comes on.
i miss going crazy with that in du ren and the mashmallow on the podium when Mundian to Pache Kerehi comes on and do that thang.

la di da di da...

Boy Meets Girl

-the book before Every Boy's Got One-

Boy : (seats nearer to her)
Girl : (Seats even closer to the wall)
Boy : are you currently attached?
Girl : no..
Boy : Then you clearly can't forget your previous boo
Waiter : (milkshake comes and interrupted the conversation)
Boy : (slurping on with his chocolate milkshake )
Girl : (starts wondering..) hmmmm..........................

i miss milkshake.. esp billy bomber's cookies and cream milkshake.. *SLURPS*

Spare Me!

Every Boy's Got One- Meg Cabot

romance

boy meets girl, girl hates boy, boy dislikes girl, boy likes girl, girl likes boy

within 1 night, they became a couple n the really strong kind.



WHO ARE THEY TRYING TO KID? THIS DOESNT HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE!

that's why i let my imaginations lead my dreams. *chuckles*

Pocahontas

so i realised i lacked of childhood and decided to re-watch it.


years back: it's a romance abt this British guy falling in love with this Indian girl at the New World.

today: it's a show that depicts how British colonism tried to exploit the poors, and diminishes the uniqueness of one country. with UNREALISTIC romance.


it's strange how opinions deviate over the years.
it's weird when sometimes human's action goes against their desire.

box

i think my storage area is really limited.

like when u just stuff some new info in, the box will be overloaded and some old stuff will slowly drop from the back.

i looked back at my entries that i posted in april this year, i dont remember why did i have to note that.

it's really scary when what happened wasn't so long ago.

probably this is selective memory. like you choose to remember some stuff and remove the unhappy ones.

~the people we have met in the last 5 yrs will we remember them in 10 more~

dumbfounded

sometimes things just progress so naturally that it seemed to be arranged by someone.

yesterday i encountered a similar situation that i faced with a few months back. exactly the same situation, just that this time i hold the view of the other party. it amazes me why i didnt thought the same when i was in the picture, though i said i did.

i was flabbergasted when i realise how my stand swayed.

i guess you were right. probably it was the best solution.


but i was still very astonished looking at how things are placed in such a way that u see from the other party's shoes.

Toiletbowl

that scene suddenly flashed pass, and i thought it's pretty funny.

....

during one of those Cheeky's-Saturday-night, i was short of cash and decided to take a stroll to UE sq to withdraw money. 1am in the morning, i suddenly felt the urge to go to the loo due to the constant drinking back in the club. as soon as i entered the cubicle, my phone dropped into the toiletbowl!

HAHAHAAH!!

i dunno why but i got tickled when that scene flashed by. and char in the other cubicle was like giggling. *giggle giggles* hahahaha!!

Cheeky's Withdrawal Syndrome is getting harder to rid

Subconsciously

so i thought it's a history,
but i guess that's not the end of the story.

it's been a quarter year,
and i thought it was over.

i dreamt of you last night,
it seemed like it was still that night.

i didnt think it's cool speaking like you,
but it came out so smooth like i never knew.

i thought i was already fine,
i guess emotions seems intertwine.

<<<< from this.. we've transformed.....



<<<<<<< to this!

Residue

i ran and ran, in hope to catch the last glitter before it falls into that mysteriously black river.
to much disappointment, i didnt reach in time.
what left behind was the dark sky covered in layers of grey smoke.

then i wondered, why do people often live for the pretty moments?
the greyish sky with the black river was just as beautiful and serene.
no loud popping sound, nor the colourful skyflowers,
but the scene itself was calming and beautiful in its own way.

sometimes the best thing in life is the residue of what seems the best.

My new-found interest

la di da di da
after 2 weeks, finally it's time for a breather.
reports, presentations and quizzzzzzzzz had been up one after another.

oh! recently, i found interest in stonning.
just sit at a corner and look at things pass me by, even if when im out with my friends, this new-found friend of my often stop by.

stone!

BUZZ OFF!!

stupid fly, buzzing irritatingly as i lie.
you stink like the bin, i turned and you wink.
you fly with that buzz, i rejected n u make such a fuss.
you call all day, "STOP CALLING!", I pray.
my mood so damp, i saw you and i went "DAMN!"

Sniff Sniff

i stood at the window looking at the grey clouds inching closer every seconds,
the extremely strong gust of wind just swept into my house through the window.
fallen leaves and plastic bags danced in the wind.
they travelled over distance and landed in my hse.
i did not bother to stop them from intruding.
i stood by the window and enjoyed as the rain unleashed on me.

and now, i got the product of such experience- Flu!

Shut Up!

Has it ever occur to you that what u just said is so ridiculous and everyone just stare at you like you're a fool?

Has it ever happened to you that at times you just speak too much that you just feel like stuffing yourself up and shut the fuck up, but your mouth just wont listen?

Have you ever experienced when you try to make something happen, and in the end, NOTHING happened and you just feel like staying back and lying low for like ever?

Have you ever feel like just abandoning everything and just float in the midst of the cotton candy clouds?

Have you ever wish that even if the clouds can't hold your weight someone will be there to hold you even if you fall?

Have you ever hope that for a moment, the sand in your hour glass will stop sliding?

I hope things turn back. but I already saw the end approaching.

Vague but Enough

As I swam aimlessly in the sea of doubts,
it resembled the skys full of clouds.

I never know when the cloulds will turn grey,
neither will i know when the sun exudes its rays.

You rose from behind of the grey clouds slowly,
you lifted me up and i enjoyed the moment totally.

you placed a smile in my heart :D

Through the Arbor

Kevin Kern- Through the Arbor

this pianist is awe-inspiring. his music is so calming and has theraputic effect.
he is visually impaired. this misfortune has landed on him since birth.
as He took away his precious sight, He bestowed him with amazing talents.
at the age of a year and half, he started learning piano and henceforth found his hidden talent that was changed with his sight.

sometimes i wonder. is God really fair? as u lost something He gives you something in return.
like the window theory- the close of one window is the open of another window.
is his talents God's gift or is it his hardwork?

can't i have the cake and eat it too?

Solitude

The beach looks extremely captivating when the storm is approaching.

The overcastted sky made the clear blue sea looks mysteriously green, with cruises and ships on it, painted against the grayish blue sky. The dark gray clouds moving nearer every minute that ticked past.

The choppy sea and the strong current seemed to be able to swallow the helpless
kayak as foam rushed to the shore. The colour of the sea became increasingly dark as it nears the far end, connecting the sky.

The trees seemed to be dancing unanimously as its leaves brushed against the pavilion. The fallen leaves resembled golden crisp chips being snatched till they break into pieces as the cyclist dashed through them hastily.

The wind combed through my hair as the gentle sun seemed to be fading off every second. Up above, it sprinkled generously on me as I raced past the dancing trees and the stoic pavilion. The hurricane came and swept away my worries. I enjoyed the moment of peace and solitude.

my new best friend

News???

firstly, i have to state that this post is not against any bloggers.
but why is our national newspaper- Straits Times- featuring some random blogger's blog being hacked? well, ok it is an offence, but shouldnt they pick something more news worthy?
hmm.. like... some youth group doing fund raising for cultural preservation? *ahem*
hyuck hyuck hyuck hyuck

the rays baked my back- i'm half- roasted

The Twist

it's annoying when decisions/relationships/work/possessions just change at that split seconds.
For example, when what u expressed is not what is being perceived by the other party. Hence causing an immediate fallout.
or when sometimes decisions are being made and i thought it's the best decision for that situation, somethings have to appear to put me in a dilemma.

Havent u played enough already? I'm looking like a fool.

YIKES!

bad bad bad!
yearning and longing and wishing and hoping and waiting and starring and glarring....
such activies are harmful!
You are like coffee- irresistably addictive.
leave me alone!

it was a false alarm.

freaky

after reading somethings, im not so sure whether things will be so certain.
damn it!
i starred at the screen for like 5 mins before all other random thoughts stop to overwhelm me.
arrrrrghhhhh
whatever it is, i guess it's just coincidental. agree?

Closed

i guess everything has a closure to tidy up the tiny details, to put a situation to an end.
this end is not exactly like a dead end whereby u walk back to where u came from.
this end is more like a hurdle that prevents u from returning and continue running forward.

perhaps this is it!
although it wasnt the most wonderful thing among other various options, it is where everything ends.
definitely a HUGE FULLSTOP you forcefully placed at the end of this sentence.

well, at least the end of one sentence signifies the start of another.

Relieved

it's been a long time since i felt so relieved being able to reach home!
the relief that i dont even remember when i return from Cambodia.

the night felt so draggy and seemed to take eternity before the daylight shone.

the deep cut on the sole on my feet felt numb, looking at the bright red blood trickled down, i kind of wanted to test the limits of the amount of blood i can let it run before the wound closes. the red liquid sparkled as it rolled down uncontrollably.

out of the blue, i was hit by a wave of dizzy spell. the surrounding seemed blurred and the noises around seemed to have been put to mute. my head felt heavy and my stomach felt queasy. before my visual got painted white, i quickly sat down at wherever i was.

for the next 2 hours, it seemed to take forever to past.

as i strolled around my estate early this morning, i realised this is not the kind of life i want to lead! such activities are really time consuming and i dont benefit anyhow from it. i want to do something more beneficial, be it to me or to anyone else.

it's amazing how somethings that once occupied most of my time, and i enjoyed doing no longer interests me.

i think i'm definitely NOT a nocturnal creature. i prefer the day.
it is not wise to consume lime juice after drinking

No Expectations

That was our motto before we set off to Banlung. Everyday, Desmond would remind us that we had no idea what was ahead of us and we should embrace it as it comes, accept it with no expectations as things would not be any arrangements. Almost all the talks that we had, we had this motto in them- No Expectations.

Now that we are back from Banlung, it's time we settle some unfinished business, such as the post-expedition presentations and the publishing of the books. ok.. The post-expedition presentation is some what done. probably one more to go- the national library which is still currently unsure. So, the books, and probably a continuation of this project. Is it because we want the fame and glory? Is it because we want to share the innocence that we have lost but still remain in the Cambodians? or is it because we want to create awareness about the importance of preserving culture?

The idea of having the book was kind of scraped off, due to the lack of funds. But now, there's an opportunity sitting right there waiting for us to grasp it! Are we grasping it or are we not? if we do, is it because we want to continue to live in this fairytale? is it because we enjoyed each other's company? is it because we want to return to Banlung for a vacation? or is it because we have a burning passion in us to preserve their culture?

If not, this opportunity may no longer be applicable. Furthermore, we won't know the outcome if we don't continue and we won't make any difference to anyone, not even ourselves. So many doubts that make the decision-making process more tedious. So many other considerations that make this situation seems so complicated. So many people invloved that slow things down.

I choose: take up this opportunity, go as we see wad's lay ahead of us, and be prepared for setbacks.

i guess great power comes with great responsibility- hello time management!

Fishcake

hmmm..
its amazing how some people dont understand that your blog space = to ur private place.
ok.
not that private if u found it. will at least i didnt reveal it!

isn't it funny how it's ok for someone to stumble across my blog, but its not ok for people that i dont wanna share my life with to read. weird.

blog space is something publicly private. hmmm..

The Replica of Banlung House

pictures by Glenn Lim

food for thought

maybe in the near future, participants shd call and ask the organizers when is their event rather than the organizers spreading their information to the participants.

but how can any participants ask for info of the event when she didn't even know such things existed in the first place?

well, maybe participants should draw out their time tables to the organizer and then the organizers can spread their news if the participants are free.

sorry, i really dont see/feel any effort.

yipeeee

presentation is done! woot! once again, it was FANTASTIC! this time round was a bigger scale event, in terms of the audience. like the directors and principal, the Youth Expedition Program people, and frens in the campus. likewise, there were alot who did not turn up either.

so.. wads the highlight this time?? me! I STUMPED ALOT! i felt like a complete fool. standing on the stage alone with the mike in front of me, cards held in my hand, and many pairs of eyes dazed at that nervous block on the stage that forgot her lines. isn't that a wonderful sight?

due to the strategic positioning of the speakers, aft my speech was the dance. so it didnt seem that bad. at least there was a "break".

for people who came, like nim, sera, kenny, the jap-expedition-guy, etc. , good for you! (i was told that this is one of the best post-expedition presentation!) and i really appreciated ur presence. for frens that wasn't able to make it, well.. at least u tried to make urself free, no worries. there are still opportunities for us to present, maybe at the library. and i heard many other forms of communicating channels are coming out. we'll see. THANK YOU to all that made this happen. something that i wanna keep by me for a long time.

let me continue living in this fairytale

IOC

tiring!
aches, fatigue and eye- wash all at once!
tired.

i hate it when im being screamed at something that i wasnt even driving to.

"Hey! we are having a Cambodia Sharing Session this thurs, 5pm at LT26... "

"...*raise eyebrows* euw! Cambodia? "
"... *twisting lips* ugh! Cambodia?! "
"... *starring right at you as if u are a complete idiot* for wad? "

judgemental people! Cambodia is so beautiful. its beauty radiates from deep within. the innocence in the children's eyes. the smile of the locals that reaches deep into you. the trust within the community. the friendliness of the locals. the sincerity of them. the diligence of the students.

Cambodia does not have huge Theme Parks. neither does she have major shopping centers. Cambodia have landmines, and beggars.

despite its flaws, despite it being a 3rd world country, its beauty is something that radiates from deep within and touches ones heart.the sincerity of the people and the contentment that u see in them. it is not something on the surface. neither is it something that can be pass by word of mouth. it is something that one should experience to understand. it's the heartfelt kind of warmth, that most of the 1st world nation has already lost it!

being selfish, i hope that people continue having the mentality that Cambodia is dangerous and boring- no shopping paradise, no theme parks... sure! just continue believing that.. cos mass tourism will definitely damage the environment.

Singapore is a !st world country with lousy attitude!

I MISS BANLUNG!

i miss having red sand constantly landing on me.
i miss waking up at 5 and find that the sun is already up and the stunning sunrise greeting me and in the evening aft a whole day's work at IYDP, the sun bids goodbye with a beautiful sunset.
i miss having wood surrounding me. so it wasn't a tough job when i had to touch wood.
i miss the amazing sight of starry nite as i lie down in the middle of the runway and when peter tried to do the debief but no one was on his side.
i miss conversing in Khmer with the locals in the market, shops...
i miss the delicious food and mouth-watering drinks.

i guess thats why we've been putting in effort for things to work out, at the same time enjoying each other's company. cos we find comfort, and bits of Banlung in each of us.

you made my day! :D

Hopeful

on my way home from school, my girlfriend and i were discussing bout how being hopeful always land us on the worst side of things.
no matter how bad a situation is, there are always alternatives. For me, i always choose to believe that there is still a very slight chance that things will turn out just as fine.
often, such expectations and hopes dash my dreams even more. like the higher the expectation, the harder you fall.
is it wrong to be hopeful? should we be hopeful or hopeles??

despite all the dashed dreams, i choose to be hopeful

Rich Dad, Poor Dad, Cool Dad!

i've got a Cool Dad. think about this, "how many people actually have a spontaneous father who is willing to go roller-blading with her on a weekday evening, at just a call away??" i love my daddy to bits!

#1 Cool Factor: my dad can roller blade!
#2 Cool Factor: my dad dont mind driving all the way to East Coast just to blade. cos they have better pavement for blading.
#3 Cool Factor: my dad is so SPONTANEOUS. it wasn't even pre-planned!
#4 Cool Factor: my dad blades WITH ME!!
#5 Cool Factor: my dad tries out all sort of weird stuns with me.. not just moving ur legs to move forward. we did backward, tried to do the crab thingy.

sometimes the best things in life arent the most expensive things.

Random Thoughts

i think im a boring person. leading a boring life with boring stories.
on top of that, i've got a boring personality.
im just so BORING..
any other new words? nope! cos im boring

bbbooooooooooooooooooorrrrrriiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggg

once again

i feel so small. so lost.
i want a book. but not just any book.
i read one today- it was bad! limited storyline, torn pages, etc. i don't want just any book.
i want one that i feel comfortable reading, something that tickles me and quietly hangs a smile on my face, a book that will hold my tears when they roll.
but i think im jinxed whenever i owned a book and cant keep it off my hands. so i guess i'll just read you whenever i visit the library.

when u feel embarrased, then i'll be ur pride. when u need directions, then i'll be the guide. where's mine??

1 down

finally it is the day for the presentation of cultural mapping. since morning, i was so anxious and excited abt it! until now, the anxiety is still burning in me. well.. now one is down while the other is waiting to be launched. im so estatic that things flowed pretty smoothly today..

thou there were little hiccups as some of us were pretty anxious, and some technical errors. but no biggie things looked great.. how some of us managed to diminish the tensed atmosphere in the room and cracked a little joke. and how this person was brought near to tears due to some memories but still able to convey his msg thru.

the dance was fabulous and the song was even more wonderful. it almost brought tears to my eyes. aft this presentation, i miss Banlung even more. the sand, sun, food, people.. and through those 21 days, i hope the friendships that i made remains. but.. good things never last! lets just hope that it wouldn't end so early.

[quote unquote dan] now we stand at the end of this journey and the beginning of the other, lets work hard and do a wonderful presentation for the one in school!

Date: 7 July 2005 (thurs)
Time: 5pm
Venue: LT 26
Admission: Free

why cant good things last?

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more relaxed, calm, and composed.

With respect to money, you save for a rainy day.

You think good luck doesn't exist - reality is built on practicalities.

The hidden side of your personality tends to be methodical in your ways - with trouble adapting to the rules of society.

You have a tendency to overdo things, but basically you value your friendships highly.

When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you don't have any particular type in mind, but you are inclined to look for someone who will say yes when you ask him / her out.

Who's" the True You?

The NEXT BIG THING!

Cultural Mapping of a Hill Tribe in Cambodia
By Ngee Ann Polytechnic, Youth Expedition Project

The presentation will deal with cultural preservation, sensitivity towards impacting change, environmentally sustainable development and lastly, the revelation of personal experiences; learning and transformation that affects the "me"as a Singaporean and as an individual.

Date: 25 June 2005 (Saturday)
Time: 1400 - 1530
Venue: Asian Civilisations Museum
Admission: Free

people who doesnt need to prepare for their bro's bday are most certainly welcome! well in fact, everyone should come!

Appalled

as the car drove pass, i saw a lady in 40s and the other one in 60s with a headful of whites staggering down the stairs. as soon as they both reach ground level, short, stumpy lady of 40s pushed frail looking 60s on the back and she dropped like a fallen tree. FLAT! nose first.

at the age of 60, anyone who falls like that will most likely end up with some fractured knee or broken nose. however, the middle age lady did not stop. she continued and stomped on. i was in the car, stretching my head out, hoping to see that the old lady is fine and got assistance.

however, within that few seconds before the car pass the scene, no one at the bus stop where the happening was gave the old lady any form of assistance. I was appalled (and still am) at the thought of how selfish anyone could be. not helping cos he/she might land into trouble. in addition, the selfishness in the lady of 40s, not concern over the possibility that the frail old lady might have a broken bone. i was speechless for minutes as the radio in the car rattled on and the trees went pass me.

probably they dont want to end up in any trouble so they adopted the "mind your own business" strategy- which is popular in Singapore. or maybe it's the bystander effect. like when there's other people around, you dont see the need to go forward to help, cos u r not the only one around. well, perhaps its the rooted to the ground moments, which no one around have recovered from the shock. in any case, there are reasons not to help as much as we should.

why do people think that the one who got "harmed" are always the victim?

GREEN

Before we shifted, i never visited the GREEN PLACE. my current house is near that GREEN PLACE and after my dad got a GREEN car, we visited te GREEN PLACE more often.

1 year aft we moved into our current hse, my granny had to stay at that GREEN PLACE, hence, it became my second home. sometimes i wonder.. whether what you own or where u stay determines wat will happen.. like FengShui.. in this case, i think its a curse. like the nearer u r to somewhere, the more u will end up there, and the more convenient ur travelling, the more you should go there.. arrrgh wadever that meant. i think this hse is jinxed!

i hate the GREEN shirts that they all wear
i dislike the artificial GREENeries
i detest the Polar with GREEN logo there (it stinks up the whole stupid GREEN place! )
(oh and this is sth that i dislike most) i hate that box thingy with the tracks circulating the GREEN place!!

i hate it! i hate it! i hate it! i hate it! i hate it!

the theory of laughing hard and crying harder theory has proven itself right.

Priorities

maybe its time i set my priorities right.
i don't think i place my family in front of anything else. maybe its time i do.
seeing my mom's health failing, i seem to be the last to now.
i dont even know that she was admitted into the hospital till 10pm today when i reached hm.
as she lay in the hospital, im still having other programs on hand that i dont wanna put down.
am i selfish or am i selfish?
should i just let my effort down the drain and show more care and concern to her?

maybe thats why my left eye twitched last night

GRAVE MISTAKES!

guys.. pls take note things u say to a girl.. or anyone!

1. "hey! c'mon man! im the son of the executive of a local carrier! who wouldn't wanna be with me? so.. when are you free to come out for a drink?"
i dun think that is a nice pick up line or anyway to ask a girl out. so what if u are some rich bastard??? i do not appreciate YOU!

2. "...money makes the world goes round. who wouldn't want money, fame, car, anything you name.."
MAJOR TURNOFF!! HELLO!! IM NOT A WHORE!

3. ".. yeah.. i dont know why im just so lucky.. shit happens.. but it dont seem to happen to me.. well.. some people just have to be lucky.."
shut up and stuff ur cocky-ness right up your HAIRY ASS!!!

do you even have a hole?

Sequence

it's amazing how things in life are closely related and their impact on the following event.
merely the appearance of someone or the existence of some problem makes a great difference in our lives and needless to mention the result of another event linked to the previous one.
have you ever come across such situation where you sit and think, "if she didn't come for this event, there wouldn't be ____ " and if ____ did not happen, ____(something else) will not happen too..

do u know wad m i talking about? no?? nevermind.. soon u will.

basically im just so amazed by how the (dis)appearance of someone leads to a totally different ending.

matheopr

the pen that follows me everywhere just dropped on the floor and can no longer be used to write. it cant be refilled nor fixed. I've used it to solve complex maths calculations and write beautiful composition out of it. so, now it's useless but sentimental. should i keep it in my pencil case and take up unnecessary space or shd i just dump it away and make room for new pens??

STOOPID

if hard work doesn't gives good grades, why do people use words like "hardworking"?
if effort doesn't pay off, why do people encourage others to put in effort in things they do?
if being soft hearted land u somewhere full of thorns, why do people learn that they have to be sympathetic?

if our beauty is our flaw, why do people seek for Mr / Ms Perfect?
if you are everything im not but you make me complete, why do opposites NOT attract?
if memories are sweet, why do people urge others to come back to reality?

if i dont know what am i thinking about why do i bother typing them out?

fuck!

well i thought i could just get over u baby
but i see that something i just cant know
from the way u wld hold me to the sweet things u toldme
i just cant find a way to let go of you

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sandy..
just screw it. stop dwelling on it. no more digging of info, no more trying to get near, no more i-think-he-still-likes me, and no more comparison. if they can do it so gracfully, why cant we? why must we always be the ones sinking in our own sadness while they lead their happy lives? why cant we let go as gracefully as they do? why do we always let all these silly stuffs affect us and not them? why why why?? i have no ans to that.

im not saying that its gonna be easy.. but u haf to know. im here!

I am Sam

i dont remember watching a movie that made my tears rolled from the first 20 mins to the end of the show.

3 packs of tissue.

i see you upside down.

school is getting busy.. projects has been pouring in like work- vomit. surprisingly, I don't mind doing the compiling and stuff, i don't mind responsibilities. in fact, i like responsibilities.. WEIRD.. did i mentioned that im the class rep? hah! im just doing for the CCA points.

right now im sorting out my grp mates work and compiling it into a wonderful presentation tmr. WEIRD that im not whining.. been staying up till wee hrs to complete tutorials and read up on the reference texts.. hmm.. when was the last time i bother to complete my tutorial?? needless to mention reading up on recommended references. we'll see how long this lasts...

for the first time in years

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

is it true??

my ideal weekend

relax at a quiet coffee house located near the beach or at least provides the view of the sea.
read an exciting book which i wont to let it off my hands.
look at the people rushing around.
chat with a close fren.
with any drink.

it seems pretty simple but i have yet to realise it.
anyone interested to join me for this ideal weekend activity the coming weekend?? :D

Pls enter your password before entering My Dreamland

i've been having this dream whereby this particular guy have been intruding into my dream for more than 3 times within a period of 7 weeks. no! it's not wet dreams!!

when i was in Banlung, he appeared twice. and recently, he returned again.. so far, twice.. hmmm. i wonder wad does dreams means..................

oh.. and we always seem to be a couple...
hmmm......................................
stop intruding!

forget password?

i juz discovered something weird abt myself.

i find washing transparancies very therapeutic.

wwweeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrdddd

la di da di da

yay.. it's been 1 week of school.. not so yay aft all since projs are coming up but nevertheless it's interesting.. stuff like checking out the details of hotels and managing an event!! :D im so looking forward to it.. it better be good!

school's been great, for i haf a bunch of MAD pple with me.. the bis peeps who went to cambodia, all specialising in TOURISM!! haha.. so lecture was nothing less than hearing my thunderous laughter... i know wad u r thinking: "im so glad im not in ur lecture!" so far, im glad that i chose tourism [so sera, u dun haf to kill me or attempt to murder me since im enjoying.. :D ]

oh yes.. about the MAD people. we did CRAZY stuff too.. on wednesday, aft lect n doing some stuff, we lepak. yes. that is our middle name.. tt's wad we haf been doing since we returned from Cambodia. like i was saying.. we were resting n relaxing waiting for the rest to discuss some stuff.. n norisa, one of the makcik of our grp, suggested that we shd juz relax on the grass.

she just returned from aussie. she went there to visit her sis and she realised that tt's one culture that we Singaporeans do not adopt- sitting around.. anywhere... along the pavement, outside the library, on the stairs, under the shade.... probably there's too much facilities available for us, making us all so pampered and as if by sitting on the grass, som huge insect is gonna gobble us up into their stomach. so the madness drove into the 4 of us.. we went to sit on this patch of green grass and juz read, talk and laugh.. people walked pass us looking, starring and glaring, pointing, laughing and mocking.. at one point, the security guard came over, and we thought that he was gonna chase us off the grass. surprisingly, he came and showed us a thumbs up! woot!

but wads wrong? doing something out of norm is not something sinful ya? is it a crime??!!!

so we planned to haf lunch on that grass patch (aka the Green gound) on the coming monday. for more details, click here ..

more updates later..

i wonder

looking at how things happen and their impact to set me to think and learn, i wonder if i've ever left such an impact on anyone's life.

i wonder my existence ever made any difference in your life.

i wonder if i die the next second, will you realise. will that affect you.
i dun think so
because i know, i did not leave a deep impression within you.
or did i?

The Last Day

Tomorrow will be my first day of 5th semester. i feel more anxious than dreadful.

looking back at the past 7 weeks of my holidays, i learnt alot and i think i grew (physically and mentally). learnt about people and alot about myself, as well as things around me. and i feel like i've been that green slimey frog that has been living in her own little well for the past 19 years. so protected and limited. not anymore.. cos she will try with all her might to jump out of that well and look at the rest of the world.

- you dont need much to lead a simple life. although resources available are limited, people are contented with wad they have and make the best out of it. unlike people that has been affected by modernization, keep yearning for more and never seem contented.

many girls in cambodia have been forced into sex slave.

why is it that these girls do not give up their life and continue living in that state of torment, while people here, in Singapore, has almost all that they want and attempt to commit suicide?

- Is globalization an angel or a menace? globalization occurs due to constant transactions between countries- international trade. as people trade, they bring their culture into another country. this causes the culture of 1 country to be spread around all other countries, thus lose their unique culture and all behaves like one.

furthermore, during international trade, the riches benefit the most! hence, causes the rich to become richer and the poor to remain poor. in simple terms, it's like the rich exploiting the poors for their relatively cheap resources.

good or bad? u decide for yourself.

- superficiality
there are guys around who are not superficial. so ladies.. dun be discouraged. such extinct species still do exist. although they like you for who you are, they still drool at the sight mini skirts and the pretty faces. but you know, deep inside they still love you. or at least thats wad they want you to think. hah! but seriously.. such pple still exist. i got into a relationship at a point where i looked the WORST. ya. i know wad u r thinking "u mean u ever look better than that?" but hey! thats not the point alright.

and i fully understand the meaning of judging the book by its cover. it may look boring outside, but the inside may be sparkling with knowledge.

- people come and go and walk away... hold on to your emotions do not let them just splatter. always remember that people come and go. no point holding onto something which u know theres no future. sometimes being hopeful is not the right choice. always remember to trek water even though u haf a float. u never know when the float will deflate. the close of one window is the open of the other (quote unquote nim). so look forward to the new window that is open. and when it's time to let go, juz move on, and probably you'll find a nicer float.

- i've been waiting for things to happen. thats not wad i wan.. i want to make things happen. people might say, "oh.. it's fate... bla bla bla" i believe, u r the creator of your own fate. u direct ur own route and u r the script writer of your play. cliche. but true.

- within 3 weeks, 2 person told me this "Don't Trust Anybody"
hmmm.. maybe i'm too gullible.. i haf to work on that.

so basically, i had a wonderful holidays after slogging for 10 mths (i had my attachment last sem, remember?) this break is ENRICHING! really learnt alot, and absorbed quite a fair bit. amazing experience that i enjoyed. choices that i never regret making, in every aspects. wonderful people that i have met.

looking at my posts.. i think im very tempremental... yikes... that's bad....... im sad one day and happy the other... anyway.. i woke up with a very nice dream.. maybe thats why.. to my girlies- char n nim- sandy, and peeps, thanx for being there n listening to my whines.. ur presence has been greatly appreciated..

just feel like typing n updating my blog so this will be a happier post..

hmm.. interesting happenings... nothing much.. been meeting up with the cambodian peeps the WHOLE WEEK! not exaggerating at all..

sun- Zouk Flea & Easy,
mon- movie marathon at dan's hse
tues- met up with fad n sch mates and ran into the monk
wed- met to bitch and lepak
thurs- the kumpucheans meeting
fri- kumpucheans bbq
sat(today)- met to bitch, lepak n dinner
sun(tmr)- Madagascar movie preview..

so thats how i spent the week before sch reopens... n surprisingly, im glad that sch is starting... i guess i just wanna feel occupied.. anyway.. more updates soon

whine to unwind

i totally feel like wad i felt last week.. juz dwelling in my own sadness n be sad!
i'm not happy seeming happy or being happy.. arrgh wadever that meant!
i dun understand... why different people handle a situation differently..

kjsdfk jhljk, manlsdkjnfl jalksdmf lnsdlkfj lskdnf, nkshnoldjflk malksdnfl kjlksjdfl kjsldfjn lkasnfdlk nlksjnfvkl jsdlfkm nsldfnkl sdjflk jsdflk jmsdlfkmn slfdknlk sdjlksj fklsjfml ksdnfl nflksdn fldsknfl sdknf lskdnflksnflskhn lskdjfvlk jsdklfjkl sjflkdsj lskjvljkcnvklbnkljhnlksdkg
arrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i miss you

TOURISM

alright.. i got wad i want.
i ought to be happy
but my mom is such a wet blanket!!
why cant she just leave me alone!
GO AWAY

Your Birthdate: April 23

With a birthday on the 23rd of the month (5 energy) you are inclined to work well with people and enjoy them. You are talented and versatile, very good at presenting ideas. You may have a tendency to get itchy feet at times and need change and travel. You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable. Your mind is quick, clever and analytical. A restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient and easily bored with routine. You may have a tendency to shirk responsibility. Very sociable, you make friends easily and you are an excellent traveling companion.

im a people-person?! never knew.. i always think pple percieves me as arrogant?

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talented? ya rite.. haf u seen my previous post?!

---------------------------------

ok.. this is true.. i love changes... n travelling.. :D

---------------------------------

clever? i bet u havent heard nim calling me a bimbo from dawn to dusk

---------------------------------

true.. impatient.. n i need new things to keep me excited. routine? boring!

---------------------------------

hmmm.. i thout im pretty responsible.. probably not..

------------------------------------------------------------------

sociable? im not sure.. u tell me... excellent travelling companion ok!! not even good.. it says excellent.. haha.. so who wanna travel?? ;)

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

"when the decision u made failed, it's just God's way of telling ya to take another direction"

i saw this is sera's blog.. indeed.. it's God's way of telling me to take another direction. oh.. n if u r wondering, yup.. i submitted my appeal letter this morning.. anyway.. thanx sera.. it was really nice to mention that little decision i made in ur blog.. really appreciate it.. n perhaps its time for u n ur blog to invest in a Tag Board so people like me, and only me can respond to ur entries.. and perhaps its time for me to move on to the other direction that God is pointing to.

every experience has its learning point(s)

1. do not procrastinate (if not, u WILL REGRET cos things just ends in a snap of fingers)
2. do not ever allow ANYONE to intimidate you (if not, u will NOT have a chance to share your thoughts)
3. do not live in denial (face the reality.. u haf to do that sooner or later)
4. always anticipate and prepare for the worst..(be hopeful.. but not wishful)
5. always remember sinking in is easier than pulling out [quote unquote nim] so think carefully.. but at many times, u never try u never know.. n its through all these experiences that u learn n grow.
6. never walk in the rain.. (if not, u WILL end up like me..)

-pulling out and growing-

My parents will be so glad if we stay in Banlung.. cos every day, at 12, the power supply goes off by itself.. so I will not haf any entertainment and I will go n sleep.. so much for coming back to "reality" and "being possessed" (my mom actually thinks that i'm possessed cos im acting n behaving differently ever since i return... now.. who should come back to reality?!) *bangs head*

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So I am finally doing something that I want to do.. I am going to school tmr first thing in the morning to submit my appeal letter to change my major to Tourism.. hopefully my letter is convincing enough to pass off.. I think tourism is something that I will be more interested in, since I wanna travel.. and it allows me to realise wad i wanna be-- event coordinator.. screw future! At least it is something where my interest lies in n I haf an edge over, thanx to my attachment..