Just Go Away


if my memory is not failing me, i had a "fuck-off" last july and a "pretend that i dont exist" this mar and a "Just go away" tonight.

wow. that says alot about me doesnt it? probably i shd just really stray away from people and be A.L.O.N.E.

and everytime i get that, it hurts like hell, with that pain where the tears fills right up to the brim of ur back throat and unable to pour it out, and cant get it back in.




really, if that makes you happy, i'll leave.

Kill me please


u know wad, i should just be remained in a box for the rest of my life.. or better still, kill me!
i hate dealing with feelings and emotions.
i hate dealing with people and then more emotions pour in.
i hate going to places and falling in love with them and wanting to return.
i just dislike myself.

anyone? KILL ME PLEASE !


i know there'll be a long queue behind. so be quick!

returned from paradise


my trip was great. one of the perfect ones i would say.
it was really clear blue sea. the water was so clear that it almost seemed drinkable.
the sand was so fine and soft. it was truely paradise.

i spent a bomb doing Scuba Diving. but man, the price to pay was worth every single bit of it!
the corals, fishes, so amazing. the life underwater is just so beautiful.
managed to catch a few significant ones like nemo, angelfish, trigger fish and Stingrays.
its really beautiful!

besides diving all day long was just chilling.
either at Bingo- a sea side restaurant, or by the beach getting a tan, or swimming, or shopping.

one of the best i would say is lying on the sand at night and gazing into the sky filled with millions of little sparkles with the silverlight shone right behind me. with the waves crashing on shore, and the company, it was breath-taking.

THE vacation!
beautiful beach, delicious meals, exciting activities along with the laid back ones, interesting company, wonderful buys and a little action. what else can i ask for?



at the airport of Phuket, i wanted to run to the nearest ATM machine, withdraw money and head back to Koh Tao for longer stay.

Paradise

after a hectic semester im finally having my break..
and in less than 7hrs time i'll be heading to Koh Samui..

so in order to keep the budget low, we decided to go to Phuket via Jetstar..
and from there we will run to bus stations to hop into one to Koh Samui!

aw man! i cant wait to embrace the clear blue water and white fine sand..
lazing on the beach having an eye wash for hunks and bikini clad ladies.
with a book in my hand and a coconut by a side table! muahahha!!

so yea.. i'll be leaving tmr (oh.. actually today!) and will return on the 18th..
so until den, this empty blog will continue to remain empty!



my heaven , my paradise.. HERE I COME!

Changed



i believe that some things will never be the same again when the time has passed..


i was there, but you didnt cherish me.
now that its gone, i cant get it back.
your actions have been contradicting whatever nonsense that you've said.


im confused. so stop fucking mess with my mind!



im happy now so go fuck yourself, WUSS!

eve of the death..


so here i am typing away in my blog when in less than9 hours time is my 1st paper that marks the end of my poly life.

and guess wad? im still 4 lectures back!

YES! i have NOT finish studying for my papers...


I CANNOT WAIT! ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



tahan tahan... just 4 more days...


take it easy.. everything will be fine when march falls.......



breathe... inhale.. exhale... time to face death....

Koh Samui

yay.. i cant wait to dive into that clear blue water and roll on the fine white sand...

with wonderful company, a book in my hand and just lie carefreely on the beach... how wonderful can life be?

so yep.. there.. Koh Samui will be where my post-graduation trip be...

more updates soon!! study now..

mug now and enjoy later... muahahaa

Ministry of Sound

well.. after months of waiting.. im finally there...
i think its a nice club, but a little over-rated..
especially with those publicity and their marketing gimmicks...


Layout and Design of the Club
i have to give it to them.... i was impressed with their layout and structure of the building..
even the desgins of the dance floors and different section of the club was awesome..
and one thing that wasnt overrated was their toilets.. it gives a very cosmopolitan feel yet cosy.. so i have to say that their design and layout of the entire club was amazing.

my favorite dancefloor has to be the Discotheque section... colourful light- up floors, a waist- high mirror, lotsa disco balls of various sizes hanging above the dance floor.. nice!


Variety
oh.. definitely... i think this is also one of its most valuable unique selling point..
definitely much more varieties than Zouk.. so many sections...
they've got a RnB section, a discotheque section, a mumbo section and various rooms for private (or VIP) parties, and another room that can only enter when above 25, and other parts that maybe i didnt visit.


Crowd
depends on the area of the club that you goes to. different section attracts different audiences.
the RnB section is filled with youngsters, while the discotheque is filled with middle aged ang mohs...
so i guess there us some variety there as well.. and there is a little too overcrowded at the RnB site. really cant move.. no space to try moving ard to dance.. i felt more like i was swaying than dancing.


Drinks
oh.. dun even think about it.. it sucks! the drinks are very diluted ( or so it tasted like) and hm expensive..


Overall Clubbing Experience
not too good... too crowded.. it's really like a packed sardine.. no space to dance.. all that you can do is sway side to side.. and too much time is spent on walking that big big maze...


so there is a little analysis about the all-so famous MOS.




but nothing beats the good 'ol Cheekys!

Valentine's Day



ok.. so its a day where roses are over-priced and couples are flooding the streets.


so its a day where i have to stay at home to complete my last project.
which wasnt bad... cos if i were to go out, i'll be having couples slamming in my face with their roses in their hands....


so in order to brighten up my boring little dull day, i decided to cook myself Pasta!
it was yummylicious! bacon, ham, mushroom, red wine, and parsley!


after my sumptous meal, i went back to work.... and decided that i should go out with my frens... so la di da... i went preparing...


as i was half way changing, DING DONG............ my door bell rang...



.....................



...................................

how can a girl not smile to that?

well...... on the other hand, was reading Hype, and i saw this sentence..

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Sugar is sweet and i'd love to shag you..

so... erhmm... im not so sure.........

i ffffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellll goooooooooooooooood... *nana nana na*

for the past one week i felt good!

the entire week past swiftly... partly because of the never-ending projects....

but it was balanced with work and fun..
like meeting with frens and going out for a drink aft presentations.
and attending netball matches as back-up umpire...

gaaawwwddd... i feel good...

and partly because im hanging on the past and not looking forward.
that kinda feels good as well...

and just hanging out with good company to eat and talk and bitch and plan for post-grad trip...
nothing can beat this man...


i hope i'll feel good the coming week...........

time has never been on my side


once again i havent been writing for a long time.

im busy... with stuff that i shd deal with and stuff that i shdnt be involved with....

i have lots that i wanna write and put them in words. but im having mental blockage yet again.

write abt the mime, life, people, sch, assignments, and you... oh!! and the post-grad trip!


alright more up later when life is getting more peaceful... 22 days to end of sch!
man... i cant be more happy thinking of it... now i just haf to mug my ass off!!



unbelievable but true... i can still smell you..

MMmmmmmmm..................


oh gawd... mmmmmm..............

every bite of it seems to allow my wings to grow to its fullest.. to fly to the fluffy clouds and continue to munch on every bit of that fluffy cloud...

it's DELICIOUS!! courtesy of Dan, i was able to live in heaven for that few minutes... .


oh my... the Chocolate Marshmallow Roll................................ ***drrrooooooooooooooooooooooooooollllllllllllllll***



i just realised yesterday that there IS heaven in the world!

G.O.N.E


this one time that i finally was able to take control of my mind, i lost it...




i guess its a punishment for not being true to people around







if time could go back, i'll not hold myself back and i'll let the feelings flow....


its so tiring to be hiding behind a character that seem to be you but its not really you..




so, how do people deal with layers in them? dont they get mixed up ?

bah


i wish some people just dont ever appear in my life
yes, they make me learn and make me a better person
but they are the dumbfucks that make me feel paranoid about myself..

sometimes i feel happy and overjoyed
many other times i feel so pissed so angry so confused so bothered.

i dont wanna deal with all these people anymore.
i dont wanna deal with anybody for that matter.
i wanna be Missing in Action
i wanna be spending time with myself and feel happy all at once
i wanna be alone


time i should wander around without my phone and fuck off from this world

Frustrations!


there is the very strong sense of hatred in me.
that anger that will soon engulf me... all these anger and hatred for everything around!
so irritatingly bothering!!

it feels like everything is against me! everyone is not being cooperative!
and things just dont turn out right!

i was angry with the bus, the driver, the traffic, the traffic lights.... arrgghh,, EVERYTHING!!!
ARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


maybe it's just Friday the 13! Groose Fraba......

Kickass!

for that split seconds as i was cocooning in my comforter, i felt good..
probably is the power of my comforter, or maybe the thought that im finally going to sleep..
and maybe its the warmth that i had in this cold cold weather..

for that moment, thou it only lasted for seconds, i felt good- a sense of satisfaction that i havent felt in a long time...
i felt liberated and the immediate urge to get out of my bed to pen this down..
i feel the sense of happiness for being alone.. single.. whatever way u put it.
it felt extremely wonderful!



if only the feeling could last a little longer..

worn out


seriously, what's wrong with me?! i've been messing ard with the wrong kind of people...


who the hell ever put themselves on the brim of a boiling pot? i do...
im the bird that flies into the crocodile's mouth to pick their teeth..
and just for fun, i shd just flap my little wings and pick food from his mouth.
anytime he just snap n i'll be dead! like DEAD!!


its so tiring to keep having to figure out what things some people says..
everything that is told have to be filtered throu the truth sift.
like everything he said, every action, which is true? i dont know....
and there is a constant nagging of "what ifs"...


whatever happened to being true to people? nobody does that anymore? should i be keeping up with this pace and not be true to people too?



why is it that some people have many layers and i dun seem to have this skill??

The Lizard Trap


have you heard of the Lizard Trap? it's wicked!

well, i was pretty new to this idea and was only introduced to it like end of last yr by my COOL piano teacher..

so i heard it works by secreting scent of lizards' hormones that only produces when mating, and have a REAL sticky platform where the HORNY LIZARDS will stick to that trap and die of starvation... so cool rite! but the bad part is that u haf to remove that dead lizard from the trap to re-use it la..


so imagine, if someday someone ever come out with The Jerk Trap, how wonderful can it be!?

that'll be AMAZING! it protects all the ladies that wanna be away from the jerks!

so then, there is this really big trap house that secretes female hormones to attract HORNY BASTARDS.. and it is a one-way trap.. so all the ass holes that enter can never return! MUAHAHAHAHA!! they shd all be trapped together and probably turn gay since they cant control themsleves..



**Bring along a Jerk Trap to keep you off their trap!!**

Skepticism


u know how people always say "it's ok.. just do whatever you want to do.. why do u even care what others think about you?" and being me, i TRUELY support this idea.

however, does it really not matter wad others think about us? wad if (untrue) rumours start spreading around? and ur reputation is damn as muddy as the puddle of water on the floor....

and the next time u ever meet someone new, not even after 1 week, he/she knows more things that is to know about u. and all that they heard may/may not be true..

but being informed about your noctorious behavior, he/she may already have a perception about you, and everything that comes out of ur mouth may just be taken lightly and she/he'll will feel very skeptical about the things that you said.


Should everyone be treated equally and not be judged?


but then again, what if the next one to get hurt is you? should you be taking things with a pinch of salt?

Wrong Receiver



im sure lots of you out there have the experience of sending the wrong msg to the wrong person.

so, pls raise ur hand if u ever send the wrong msg to the person that u happened to mention in the message...



**shootingmyhanduptryingtoreachtheskyandjumpingforattention**




its like you know that people are talking behind ur back! HOW EMBARRASSING CAN THAT BE?! arrggghhhh...................





but lucky i wasnt bitching.. heh!

SCREWED UP SYSTEM!

who the hell even suggested to bring forward the sch term?!

all these changes is absurdlycrazy! who the hell even voted for sch to continue on November and December? so wad if u r the eldest in the family, and everyone else is going on a holiday because it IS THE RIGHT TIME with EVERYONE ELSE'S School Holidays, you'll be bummingsobbingwhining at home!

besides, with this Screwed up system, the common test week will be on the FIRSTWEEK of the YEAR! who the hell takes Common test on the 1st wk of THE YEAR? others havent even learn 1 Chapter in the 1st week of the year! and after all the partying, boozing, and festive atmosphere lingering around.. i definitely cant concentrate to study for dry papers. have the authorities ever put themselves in our goddamnsmellystinkyfishy shoes?!

with this system, intake of 2006 will be from April.. so wad happened to that 6 months break that all Sec 4 students look forward to?



so....



wad's the benefit of this again?


the one that i can think of is to allow us to graduate earlier.. (when the nxt sch term starts in Aug? or maybe even the FOLLOWING YR?)

err... so less teenagers will be hanging around doing nothing? so doesnt it in someways benefit ur domestic economic activity? and how do u know that they arent working or taking some self-improvement lessons?? huh huh huh!!!




whoever thought of this should really think twice!

My 2005

so wad happened this yr? (oops.. last yr..) hmmm...
i barely remember wad happened in the early part of this yr... my yr seems to start from April..

Jan 1 2005
i sneaked out of my hse at 3 am in the morning... well, for the rest of the year, my life was ADVENTUROUS! i guess the way ur new yr starts really determined how it'll be huh...

den i forgot wad happened..

Major Happening- April 2005
left for Cambodia with a bunch of great peeps (except SOME or sum.. ah.. either way..) all that singing n rides n cooking n wrking.. Ang Kor Wat, rubbish dump, the Killing Field, etc...

i think it was a really great impact.. even when in sch, we cant seem to stop talking abt it.. even during proj, we haf to search for something tt is related. all the experience has definitely widen my horizons. some really life changing experience that I WANT TO undergo again... i feel like that feeling is going to detach.. but i wanna keep by me forever.. and i guess that's the wonders of pictures.. always act as a reminder.

and the best that i got out of it are the frens! the BCs who play a MAJOR ROLE in my life now.. all that chilling n lepak at TCC.. n Green Ground! how can i forget that?! good things never last.. but pls to whoever u r that dictates fate, just let this be the exception.. please.

Education
hmmm.. well... i guess 1 sem covers the ass of the other. my 2nd yr last sem was atrocious! GPA 2.5! like WTF! either i told myself tt i had to wrk hard or was it sth related to the trip, i dunno.. my 3rd yr 1st sem was surprisingly gd.. *i hope i dun jinx myself*

Relationship
bah.. dun talk abt it. nth is in the rite path... thou thru some, i really did learn alot.. and some really cheesy dates..

guy: hey.. do u haf any raisins?
girl: erhmm.. no..
guy: oh.. can i haf the date then?

Friendship
people come people go.. many came but 1 or 2 left...

Finance
hmmm.. well.. not too bad i think. i guess i spend much lesser than the previous yr.. cos aft the trip, i feel like hmm.. wad so great abt looking gd n not feel gd... so less shopping = spend lesser.

Clubbing
hmmm.. only started again recently. much much much lesser than previous yr.. less clubbing = more savings. therefore, inc. in finance.

Health
doing gd this yr.. not too bad.. but i need to burn LOTSA FATS! arrgghh.. all u other high metabolism rate pple just stay out of my sight.

Attitude
i think i improved quite alot in terms of being a person.. rite? or so my feedbacks were. less tempremental, less petty, less disrespectful, less slutty, less bimbotic.. hahaha ..


overall performance: Positive i guess.. hahaha.. well, i do my own evaluation.. so whos there to say anything?!

2006 New Yr's Resolution:

1. studies! complete the last sem with flying colours n start wrking on SATS and admission to university (local) den we'll see where things are..
2. stick to my Exercise Plan.. calling out for jogging n sports khaki..
3. pass Grade 8 Piano Exam with 1 try! PLEASE...
4. continue to go to other parts of the world- Napal, Tibet, India...
5. continue with the attitude check.
6. take things easy.. and everything with a pinch of salt n open mind...

its a yr where i'm not sure wad lies ahead aft my tertiary education... it'll haf to take chance..

exSPArience

Mmmmm... i smell GOOD!! smell like a Strawberry Shortcake.
so today i had my first Spa Experience at one of the outlets at Holland village.

my selected package was: Strawberry Butter Meltdown..
it sounds so yummyslurpybootylicious... and well, it turned out as nice as the name is!

so first my mom n i had to strip naked and change onto a g-string and put on the shower cap..
and den laid flat there and the started to smother hot oil n massage..
it is so ADDICTIVE! oh my.. it felt so AWESOME!

so aft the full body massage, BERRIES and sea salt was used to scrub n remove dead skin cells!!
and that smelt so HEAVENLY!!

to top it off, we bathed in the open!
well, not exactly open, but i cld see the sky thru the plastic shelter and there was a tree rite outside the bathroom!
the bathroom was like a little wooden shed.. real nice... it was so Banlungish (just the bathroom)



ok.. now who wans to eat me? i smell like a Strawberry Shortcake! *slurps*

(not-so) Merry Christmas!


i started off my Christmas eve being too sad about somethings in life..
i woke up due to excessive tears when i was trying to keep my eyes shut n go back to slp..
how merry a christmas can be.....

so i was debating whether i shd bum at hm and enjoy the serenity or shd i just go out to haf fun (without my frens).. i thout, either ways, i'll not feel so merry anyway..
aft much contemplating, i chose the latter.. i'd rather be out probably laughing at some random people on the streets then to be sulking at hm..

sso i had my super-fun-time-Christmas Eve counting down with a stranger that i knew 2 days ago.. but he sure had brought much laughter to my Gloomy Christmas.. with many "inspiring" talks.. greatly appreciated..


oh... and may i add... walking along the streets this Christmas, sure as hell, wasnt so merry.. people, practically strangers just spray white foam to other strangers walking along the streets. half the time we were escaping from these white christmas.


jingles from the cans
makes me want to scam!

Gone... Not Really..

the nutritious part of me have became the residue and sank deep into the glass.
somehow somethings just dont hang around anymore. more like separated..
it has not disappeared. just detached.
forming a visible division between the residue and the remaining liquid..

looking back at my previous posts, i felt much more a "better person" then..
something is amiss.
i left bits n pieces of goodwill as i reach for the future, which turns out to be a handful of dust.
the treasure in me has sunken into the deep blues, which left me with transparent liquid.
leaving me feel so shallow, incomplete and uncontented...


the precious jewels are just gone for a moment...

0011!!!!! *WINK*


so i had a LOUSY nite..
and to make things worst, i woke up with swallon eyes..
and i tried watching something funny that didnt tickle me!
den i had to deal with my own procrastination...
so u think that is the end of the bad karma? nooo...
i had to run into different people with different temper...


and things start to turn better...


first, i had fun at pool and catching up sec sch gossips (thou much still not known and never will)
and i had even more laughs at Burger King with the Kampucheans
and thats not the end... we had SECRET RECIPES!
there was even more anxiety when we were trying to plan for the Malaysia Backpacking trip...
finally, we end the crazy day at TIMES with The Book of Answers (or something like that.. i wouldnt mind having that for Christmas! *wink!*) HAHAHA!!!

the times with great friends!

the benefits of having a DICK!

you read it correctly.. this damn gender segregation is REALLY PISSING ME OFF!

1. get to study overseas even without much persuasion
2. get to be pampered when you were a baby until now u r 21 you still do!
3. get to stay out late cos your life will not be in danger
4. get to go on holiday without much discussion with parents
5. get to shout n storm and nothing NOTHING will happen to you
6. gets EVERYTHING that you motherfucking want!
7. gets to run away from all the household chores!
8. GETS TO INHERIT YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S STALL AT THE AGE OF 21!!!

the day that i dont return u should jolly well know why!

technology

i think it is one of those things that i hold a love-hate relationship with..
something that i can live without yet many times i rely on...


for weeks my Lappie have been down with throat inflammation cos i uninstalled stuff that i thout was unnecessarry for her.

i felt so crippled and incomplete..
im so sorry Lappie..

now that ur voice is back, it's time to call for celebration!! hahaha.. the kind of joy n jubilation is indescripable....


always rely on the Recovery Disc!

the insignificance


you might have done lotsa telling but not talking..
you might have been looking but not seeing..

i might be missing, but im not thinking.

i might be rambling, but im actually saying..



i feel like people have been hearing but not listening.
and i feel real teeny weeny

oooooohhhh


this damn world is really unfair la...
why dun guys have gastric pain n menstrual cramps at the same time????


i can feel the acidic gastric juice secreting out of the glands... through the 4 layers of membrane into the stomach.... and the hole forming on the wall........



stupid gender segregation!!!

and so i thought....

for the past 19 years (or lesser since i didnt really think when i was a baby), i thought i was an optimist...

probably i was, when i was younger, and had lesser things to worry about, and lesser setbacks to experience.

people have been telling me "are u sure u are an optimist? u think so negatively" and i'll just ignore their comment like how much do u know me laaa..

until today.. like right now, talking to a fren and reflecting on wad i haf wrote, i really am a pessimist....



fren :
what do u think of being in a relationship?

Buttimus Maximus :
everytime i get into a relationship, i know that it WILL end one day

fren :
usually relationship wont last long right

Buttimus Maximus :
it will never last. period.

Buttimus Maximus :
even aft u get married, u'll either end up divorced or die

Buttimus Maximus :
which in both cases will ultimately end the relationship

Past vs. Future

for a long time i have been staying put in the dark tunnel with hope shining in one end and sweet memories being on the other.

for a long time i have been in the tunnel admiring the sweet memories and was afraid to enter the scorching hopes.

when the rays of hope seems gentle, i tried to leave the tunnel. but NO! it turn out to be boiling hot and i'ved been scalded.


those heat makes my tears roll to the back of my throat.

drown

many times i have sunk in and not reach the bottom of the swamp..
wad makes me think that this time i'm able to come in contact with the muddy bed of the swamp?
the water is so murky and dense. yet, i still chose to sink myself in to search for the bottom!



such people just deserve to be drowned!

Gee!


and once again, i havent been writing in here for a long time..
been pretty busy with stuff..

and did i mention? damn, it is tough to play the guessing game!
i have to been constantly guessing wads going through the other person's mind so as to make sure that im on save grounds and be prepared and not caught off guard! the more practices you haf, the higher the possibility that you will be a successful psychic

sometimes it really isnt that tough. just that pride suddenly seems readily availabe, and other nonsense is in the way! BAH!!

and as if things arent bad enough, all the anticipation keeps racing in my head! with all those overweighing expectations, i feel like im going to crumble!



but that was the best outing i had for a long while...

It Should Not Be There


somethings never seem to change.

from the start, it was a mistake.

but NO! it wasnt nipped in the bud....

and instead, i helped to blossom this blunder to a sin....



say hello to the Real World

aStray

u know some people are just not the best people to befriend....


because...
living in their society is like a place where "Play Down" are the 4-letter words and Exaggerations came with no extra charges.

in their kingdom, Targets, Plans and Aims are never on the agenda..
they achieve their goals by practicing Randomness and Spontaneity..

Normal is nothing that they yearn to be..
They especially love to be Dramatic or better still, Melodramatic!

Welcome to the world of NIMRTA!

but its with all these electrifying impulsiveness that makes me giggles laaaaa....

we talked from a bday planning, to debating whether closing one eye is tiring or twoo.. and then analysed that who is more updated, and then everything all end in the crack of un-glam laughter!

Loves it! That's Hot!

the greatest mishaps when pursuing education....

1. lousy timetable...
2. great distance btw one tutorial to the other...
3. lousy modules...
4. not so gd lecturers/tutors...
5. and the worst......... LOUSY CLASSMATES!!!
6. lastly, the DEADLY MISFORTUNE>>>>>>>>> LOUSY PROJECT MATES!

i havent been writing much abt my sch life.. last semester was the greatest semester EVER. and this being my last sem (**touchwood**), i haf to deal with all these bitchy people and stoopid free-riders...

and after my detailed analysing skills, i realised............

• in Yr 1, people actually do group up with the free-riders in a proj grp cos they do not know each other and thinks that everyone is as hardworking as the ants and thus grp with anyone that they found left alone....

• when reach Yr 2, all these free-riders will not pass certain modules (probably due to the low peer-evaluation marks- which i personally think is bull shit since they still get promoted!)and hence they haf to join different classes in order to fit into their timetable.. so the innocent new classmates think that they are so poor thing and have no one to group with, hence took them in...

• so Yr 3 comes.. do u think by now they change?? NO!!! they still free-ride and leave off others!! the more ridiculous one is that she does not participate in the proj discussion but when presentation, she acts as if she did every damn thing! and by now, almost everyone knows who are the hardworking little ants and who are the free-riders.. so nobody wants to grp with them and they can all group together and hug together and die! but guess wad?? NO!!!! i haf to be placed there becos of my tutor suggests that we shd work with diff pple cos when we enter the workforce, we cant choose who we wanna wrk with.....

if i had a teacher who told me that the world is never fair when i was 15, and i got disappointed and suffered through, i WILL NOT tell my 19 yr old student the same thing.

why do you have to let a student suffer wad you had to bit your lips to pull through?

stifled..

for the past 2 to 3 weeks, i tried to write something, but i haf difficulty expressing myself.
i wanna type and get some of my thoughts out, but they were stuck in the bottleneck.
everytime i logged in, i hope to get something interesting out, but i failed..

looking at the last few entries, i couldnt apprehend wad was the thought behind posting such entries.. i was lost. it was an entry that i wanna write something but i cant think of it.


like a mental blockage. haf u had that before?


so den i was lying in my bed just now, and stared at the window.
behind it was pitch dark sky with seemingly dropping crystals to enhance the night.
the air was cool, and the sound of the rain was far and sounded it was approaching.


that was when i realised, where my thoughts and expressions were- kept right next to my solitude.

i thought they left me and never return. but in fact, i was the one who kept them there to accumulate dust.

i was involved in gatherings, trips, plannings, shoppings, clubbings, etc. i hardly had time for myself and to observe and analyse wad is gg on ard me. so that was why they crept away.
i think being emotionally involved is the biggest factor that they left.


i felt really handicapped without them.

Disappointment...


times when hopes are built and then smashed hard, that's wad it is......


why is it that life never goes according to plans?
why is it that whatever i hope that will happen NEVER happens?
why is it that only when my hopes are brought up that they got smashed real hard?
why is it that things can never be perfect?
why is it haf to be so tough on me?


why is it the back of the throat feels so bitter??

L.O.S.T

i've lost my handphone before and i survived the scolding..
i've lost my EZ-link before and i managed to outlive for a month..

but i cannot bear the confusion for being lost in a topic.

when everyone around seems to know wads going on, and im struggling to grasp what just went pass, only to realise that im holding to a handful of sand, with grains slipping pass every moment.

conclusion: Confusion...

when i fall in love.......

joyouse occassions and weddings are sometimes the best and worst times all at once.

the people and the crowd makes the atmosphere so happy and chirpy.
then suddenly, i felt like i was surrounded by a thick layer of wall.

and the phone went ribbet ribbet and everything seems perfect again..



sometimes i think the guessing game is better than the answer behind it.

Benefits of being a lady:

1. excused from NS.
2. cheap and nice clothes available in alot of places.
3. if your date doesnt believe in going dutch, you're not the one that has to pay! =p
4. able to switch between skirts and pants, heels and flip flops, blouse and tube tops...
5. able to exploit Ladies Night and club hop!

Despite the irritating menses and the frustrating cramps, i love being a girl! =)

anonymous

have you had problems with anonymous taggers?

seriously, i dont care if they come and say "hey, i think you're beautiful"
but all these mother-son [quote unquote char] have to leave offensive things like "you bitch" or "you think you're beautiful but you're just bla bla bla..."

and maybe i can understand the reason for the former tagger to not leave his/her name cos they are shy to praise others.

but if u really wanna scold someone or put ur point across, leave your name behind. so at least i'll know who did i offend in what way, in order to change right???


shut your trap if you just wanna vent!

The Balance Beam

too much of something can be irritating.

so, once again, where is the optimal point?
at which point do you know that you did not go overboard and become an irritant??

what is the amount of cheese that makes people gelak?
well, some people just don't get sick of cheese.. *giggles*

how should anyone know where is the balance point to be standing comfortably on the wire?


but then again, why should i care what others think?
but we shd be considerate, right??


so, how many teaspoons of stickiness shd be mixed in someone before he/she is labled as irritating??

Straight.

I think that girls are the most troublesome creature on earth. It is so difficult for us to get optimal point for everything.

For girls, it is not just cold or hot, it's more than that. like there's warm, or ice cold, or freezing cold. And it is not just like or dislike- there is crushes, infectuations, love, and even love-hate relationship (which, if you think about is really an oxymoron).

Like sometimes, you just so much wish that your date/boyfriend/fling/whoever could just spend more time and call you more often and so on. Well, fairy godmother says your wish shall come true. than, she sends this other guy who fits into the description.

he called all day, msg n msg n msg, and called and called n called. and suddenly, you just wish that fairy god mother takes back her gift. very nice of her, but he is way too sticky and hell of a stinky slimeball.

So, like i was saying. It really is tough to figure out wad girls are thinking. So i guess i'll rather be straight than to figure out wad another girl is thinking when i cant even figure out what im thinking. one moment you want someone who is ALWAYS there and now that you have someone who is ALWAYS there you wish that you had never made that wish.

So basically, it is not just black or white. there are often grey spots and maybe that certain grey spot is more to the black or not so dark a grey. well, ya, you get the drift. just no CERTAIN answer in their head. the answers always differ based on situation.

continue to try to figure out the optimal point.

Why do i dislike Dentists?

1. they use scientific terms like a molar and calcium hydroxide and a spoon which dont mean to be a spoon, and other terms that i dont understand.
2. they have gazillion tools spread out ready to torture their patients who do not take good care of their teeth.
3. they are constructors in disguise. they do digging and polishing and drilling (which of course i hate most)
4. you pay money to suffer.
5. that smell in their office.
6. you're supposed to feel better after the dental visit. but im in pain......... aaaaaooooouuuwwwwuuuu....

i'd rather starve than to visit a dentist.

Turn Back Time

have you ever wish that you could turn back time and take back what you've said? i have.

but once a blunder is made, no matter how hard you try, the scar is there.
no matter how much time you turn back, or whatever you do to try to cover, the hideous scar remains. it will never disappear.

no matter how much nice things a person can say, the darker side still remains dark and everything will just be said as putting on an act. so, isnt it hypocritical alrdy?

im confused. i cant put my finger to it. another swirl of mess....




words... broken... scars... regret... past... different....

Planned

Do you believe that everything that happens in your life is planned? i do. and i just witnessed it happening.



At one family gathering, Uncle A was drunk and began to spout nonsense. He started scolding and humiliating Uncle B who was totally innocent. So, the fight began...

Until this day, both of them still refuses to talk to each other. Uncle B is still very pissed to this day and is not willing to forgive the drunken ass.



So, there was this day...
Uncle A was treating us to lunch at a restaurant

Uncle A: this meal is gonna be better than the one that Uncle B will be having at hm to celebrate the son's engagement. hahahahaha...

Uncle A: *cough cough* (choked on Fish Bone)

Uncle A : continue coughing.... and then blood came out.

Uncle A's daughter sent him to the hospital.

After settling the bills, we rushed to the hospital hoping that he'll be fine. As soon as we reach the hospital, we saw Uncle B's son. so i was thinking, why did he reach even earlier than us?? hmmm...

well, actually Uncle B is admitted into the hospital as well....


hmmm.. so now both of my unlces can have "great time" together in the hospital....


i guess they planned it!

SHOPPING!!!!

Monday

"Due to busy landing in Bangkok International Airport, the time that we will estimate to touch down will be 5 mins to 10pm. Thank you."While this announcement was made, the SQ flight making a transit in Bangkok to Narita was circling the city, ready to land. When we finally left Bangkok International Airport, it was not the usual scene that greeted us. It was raining cats and dogs and was quite chaotic, i wld say.

Exhausted cars and motorcycles stopped in the middle of the road due to (according to my dad) water entering the exahust pipe, while man drenched in clothes plastered to their body were desperately trying to flag down a cab, and there i was in the mini van, witnessing all these. While i was peering out of the window, i felt more like being at the Tong Le Sap River than in Bangkok- where the flood was of knee height, and the water around was equally murky. Looking at other vehicles around stuck in the rain, i was already folding the bottom of my jeans, ready to be in the action.

Tuesday

As the day broke, i was already thinking of wad wld be laid out for my breakfast. and indeed, it was mouth- watering.

Spent the whole day shopping in MBK and later at night, the Suan Lum Night Market- definitely a good place to go if you're gonna renovate your hse.

Wednesday

Visited the traditional Floating Market. on our way there, we stopped by this railway market, and past by lotsa villages which really reminded me of Banlung! (accprding to my mom, this Floating Market is near Song Kla- which is the spot that got bombed! yikes! )

had the strangest series of dream that night whereby each dream is not related to anyone.

Thursday

last minute shopping and enjoy every minute as i tried to converse in Thai.

oh! and *beep* hmm... who could be messaging me at 0900 in the morning?!?! the school!! and it was the results!!! well, i guess effort really do pay off huh!? but im still very surprised as to how well i can score when i really do not understand the module. maybe that's the deal to scoring, right?

many times i wonder. do i enjoy more of the sight seeing tours or just the plane ride and yummy breakfast awaiting for me every morning.

hmmm...

Havent been blogging for, erm, a while...
so much to write.
but i dont know where to start.
hmmm.....

it's like a bowl of swirling mess!!
hmmmmm....

like the stomach that was filled with ice-kacang, then a hot kopi, then a cheesecake.
hmmmm.....

MESSY!!!

"Good Morning, Miss"

greetings are something that can really touch someone esp done with a smile.
weel, i personally think so.
there is an increasing number of bus drivers who greet their passengers.
besides they have became increasingly polite too.

human are just suckers for nice words. no? fine! just me!!

Insignificance

enuff said

things will never be the same anymore. bye.

The Dead Lizard

do you believe in life after death?
have you ever wonder where the spirit of the dead cockroach goes after being slammed by your slippers?
have you wonder where the spirits of the little ants float to after being squashed by the at fat thumb of yours?
well.. i was wondering.. hmmm....

lizards have never looked so harmless before.

one super early morning, like 2 am, i decided to go to the toilet. as i switched on the light, i saw this nicely curled lizard seemingly ready to pounce on some little irritating flies, and i got shock a little as i saw it curled there. i brisked pass it, hopefully it will not come in my direction.

after using the toilet as i return to my room, it was still in that curled up position. and this time, it looked so harmless and pale. for a moment, it looked montionless.

the next day morning, a witness reported saying the lizard body was surrounded my massive amount of ants.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

upon hearing the news, that moment i felt so sorry for the lizard!
gee! i felt sorry for that lizard that never fail to scare me by hiding behind the doors everytime i need to go toilet late at night!

and the 2nd thought was, people always believe in life after death. wad bout lizards, ants and cockroaches?

do they get released during the hungry ghost festival too?

isn't it ironic?

hmmm... is blog really a space for one to vent their anger and frustrations?
there is an increasing number of bloggers who got charged for illegal ramblings..
and that makes me think twice about the content that i want to "write" in my DIARY.

so, how did the authorities know about such cases?
do they hang around n read everyone's blog everyday?
wouldn't they offend people who really wanna keep their blogs PRIVATE?

isn't it ironic that authorities who acquire legal knowledge are violating the public's privacy by poking their noses into other people's personal diary?? [char, pls educate me on some legal issues, hahaha]

and now, as im posting this, i have a weird and constant feeling that some authoritative figure is reading my post......

and now im scared that i'll be charged for posting this. *yikes*
but, isnt it ironic?

Best moments...

- when you go home and strike off the number of days left
- when you go home and file up the notes that are no longer useful
- reading the examination paper and know that you've got all it takes
- knowing that you've beat the Distraction Demon!

Worst moments...

- days n days without ample rest
- slog n slog n slog
- leaving the exam hall regretting not writting certain things
- the burning desire to see something that i havent go a chance to for like EVER!

What i hate most is the time everyone discusses about the paper outside the exam hall!

Friends

it can be a very superficial thing, or even something that is just for show. but i truely treasure each and every one of my friends. sappy, i know.

but i'm not here to just say a whole lot of things that i dun feel for and just to make myself feel better. neither am i here to show that- there, i've apologise. it's up to you to forgive me. it's not the whole purpose of this entry.

to Charlotte:
Initially, i really didnt know what i've done was wrong. it didnt occur to me that you wanna get away from people, i thought it was just a person. i'm truely sorry and i hope this dun get into the way of our 7 years of friendship.

Besides that, we have been chatting but we havent been talking to one another. I've learnt alot about you from a 3rd party. that's not how i want our friendship to turn out to be. im not saying anyone is at fault for all these to happen. if anyone has got to be blamed, it has to be me, for not taking out my time to get together with you, for not taking the initiative to call, for not understanding you.

but on the other hand, i chose not to do any of these. i dont know wad to say, and i dont know what you guys are saying. i'm lost and i feel that im no longer in the picture.

so whatever i've said, i'm really sorry, and i dont want this to get in between our friendship.

love, KY.

Proven

yes! it has been officially proven....

being in a relationship leads to an increase in bimboism, aka intellectually stumped!
it has been clinically tested on both me n NIMRTA KAUR SANDHU!

this irritating slut cant stop gushing bout her darling.. arrrggh!! go away!! but little does she realise that he is turning her into a bimbo as the day goes by... hahaha...

Against Animal Testing!

SPIES!

i swear these people out there who hates me hire spies to check out my exam timetable.

and then wad they do with it?

they just send it to ALL the bloody contractors that u can ever find in Singapore and they all decide to come to Chinatown to starts drilling n knocking n slamming.

it's like EVERY EXAM PERIOD, they will start to drill n drill n drill... arrrggghhhhhhh

i swear they are out to get me!

10 years ago...

i was in my little blue and white uniform, playing hopscotch and five stones before the morning assembly, running around the basketball court during recess, and peering into the murky pond water before remedial. That, was my Primary school life. i was not in the best instituition, but i had the best mix of company- Australian, Indonesians, HongKongers, Chinese, etc.

today, we met up for a little get togather, all being 19s and 21s. like every kind of gathering, there bound to be some groups missing, but that did not spoil ours. we had great chats and i've gained alot of knowledge from this social activity. and my world seems to be so minute, so limited, so planned and peaceful, so delusional.

so i've learnt that Alex's (21) hometown is not Australia; it's Papua New Guinea- Cool Shit! and his experiences and how they have homemade shotguns and his encounters with them. but besides the threat, he also shared the nature and greens, and his favourite pastime- fishing. he also offered to play as a nice host when i goes to PNG.

like every class, there will bound to be a joker. this other guy (21) that met up with us today made our primary sch days more colourful. although he is not book-smart, he is streetwise. stopped at N level and enter NS. he is currently working, dealing with foreign students coming into Singapore. heard that he is preparing for his own business and he's getting engaged before this year ends.

and in every typical class, there will be this Loser (19). he is the guy that nobody wanted to play with because people thinks that he is just so lousy. not book-smart either, but definitely can if he puts in effort. currently in ITE but is involved in some MLM business and already has 5 digits in his bank account by his own effort.

lastly, every class has this girl that always jumps around, luagh and be mad. this mad girl (19) is currently studying in NP Business Studies, but she is not planning to haf any sort of business- at least not in the near future. she has not seen the real world, not getting engaged, neither is she working. needless to mention, there is no 5 digit figure in her bank account.

what have achieved in my 19 years of life?

Dreams

do dreams come true?
i hope they do..
you became my boo
as i paint myself blue..

arrrgggh wadever...

so.. once again i've got another dream intruder! hmph!
hey! no trespassing through private property, ok! and it's not like one night, it's like for NIGHTS!
bah!

though some part of my cells do wish that the dream comes true.. *giggles*

EXCLAIM!

as if i havent exclaimed enough, i'll do it one more time:
I HAVE GOT THE GREATEST DAD ON EARTH!

he always makes me feel so special and loved, like such a daddy's girl.
well, i guess that's the balance in life. like how within your family, you've got a daddy's girl and a mommy's boy. hmph! who cares about that boy...... bleah!

hehehahaha..
and i guess the weekly blading session has definitely build up our father-daughter relationship.
my daddy just bought me a pair of the latest guard, a pair of padded socks and 2 months back, he changed my lousy Ultra Wheels running at bearing 3 to current Salomone skates running at bearing 5. and last week he just told me that maybe i wld want to trade in for a pair of aluminium skates. as in the bar thingy is aluminium...

hehehahaha.. call me materialistic. but i feel so special.. :D *grins*

responsibility....

have you ever arranged with someone for a movie date like ages ago and on that day itself, she decided to go MIA? for no particular reason. she just went MIA cos she just feels like going on her MIA mode.

ok, probably it is understandable cos she needs time with herself.. but HELLO! wad about the same thing happening TWICE?!

i've tried ALL sort of tools of communication hopefully i can get some response from her! i've called her, smsed her, left a voicemail for her, waiting on msn for her, but guess wad..

cmon. just guess..

THERE'S STILL NO RESPONSE FROM HER! HMPH!

im pissed. u can be doubly sure that i will NOT have any ANY kind of arrangements with YOU! HMPH! Call me petty! i dun care! havent you thought about the others? how are they gonna arrange for their own plans? huh huh huh huh huh ?!??!!!?

nevertheless, i still caught Charlie. yes! FINALLY!

the best kind of prize is surprise... (but pls. not THIS Kind of surprise)

Traffic

as my dad was driving through the highway on our way home from our weekly-daddy-and-daughter-east-coast-bladding session, somehow i got reminded of the accident by the junction a few days back.. and how will it be if WE were involved in the accident...

then, i recalled how the traffic flowed when we were in Cambodia. particularly, Banlung.
their vehicles do not have the side mirror, especially Motorbikes- their most common mode of transport. As soon as we left the airport in Phnom Penh and headed to Kratie, i could hear the honkings of the car surrounding the city, which reminded me of Singapore when we got stuck in traffic jams. drivers starts honking and rushing others to move. but unlike Singapore, in Cambodia, when someone honks, it is to warn the vehicle in front that he/she is coming nearer and is overtaking, so be careful.

wouldn't this world be more wonderful if people starts to look from a different perspective?

Regret...

i seldom or never felt regret for the things i do and the decisions i made.
but i just did.
i did not meant to be rude, but my mom is really a pain in my ass...
i regret for being nasty and not apologizing. but hey! it's in our culture rite?
oh whatever.

if you ever see this mom, i'm sorry.

BAH!!!!!!!!!!! but it takes 2 to tango rite? hmph!
have you ever thought why? probably you can go sugar ur favorite son with all you have!
arrrrgggghhhhhhhhhh.......
WHATEVER!
i dont like this feeling at all!!!!!!!! HMPH!

if my dreams ever do come true, i'll leave this country when i turn 25 or 26. leave this hell and say hello to the next hell..

Hotel Rwanda

heart-wrenching.

depicts how some people fight helplessly in the attempt to save their loved ones, while on the other hand, some other people who have the means and authority to help refuses, just because of the mathematical figures of benefits.

shows how hatred, rumours and words causes a massacre.

The Maid

pretty cool for local production.
especially love the twist whereby the son- Ah Soon was actually a ghost.
love it!

2 movies in 1 day! woot! I'm still pretty fate-less with Charlie.

obsession

everytime i try to put this behind me, it pops out due to some articles, words, posters, names, scenarios, ...

hmmm.. wad is obsession?

i think it means to hold on to the netball for more than 3 seconds during a court game. hehe
gosh.. what happened to the sports that was once my passion?

what happened to the goal of being a netball umpire?

so i guessed i got caught by the umpire for having obsession. but i have no idea which direction should i throw this ball to. no direction.

cCcRRaasSSssSH!

so i sat in front of my desk hopefully some brainjuice will be generous enough to flow out, but no! they have to be stuck in that twisted lump of pink toufu. as i flipped through various references and almost started on my resume that i have to hand in tmr...

-CRASH-

an accident happened at this junction near my house. to all, it is a very dangerous road junction- cuts at Furama Hotel and Apollo Centre- so pls avoid that junction. while to anyone who would like to be involved in any car accident, pls go ahead. come to Chinatown. probably we can have breakfast/lunch/dinner/supper at the famous Hong Lim Food Complex and den i can send you to the junction just in case u think that you might get lost.

so ya. being kaypo, i left my study desk and went to my corridor/window to take a peek. it was a traffic accident involving a car and a motorbike. well, obviously, the one that had injuries was the motorbike rider, while the car was still in one piece. (well, from far it seems like 1 piece.) so, there was this bike lying right at the corner of the junction and its rider got thrown away to a distance seemingly 5 metres.

the cops took 5 mins to arrive and 2 mins later, the ambulance arrived. however, within that 5 mins, no one stayed there trying to comfort the victim. people come and go and walked away. the victim was sitting in the middle of the road and could not move. but no one tried to signal to the oncoming vehicle that someone is in the road, which i thought was pretty dangerous.

the ambulance reached in 7 mins but they took 15 mins before they are able to put the victim on stretcher and up into that little white and red vehicle. so when finally the victim got some aid and was on the way to the SGH (that would only be logical since SGH is like 5 mins from the accident spot), the policemen finally question the reckless driver, checking both the bike and the car and put on the sign- which i guess said "ACCIDENT".

this reminds me of my lecture today- Crisis Management. well, in this case it's not really crisis la. but the flow was smooth.

at least it is not a case of hit-and-run. the driver totally had the time to do that and the car was in a good-enough condition to do so.

ok.. back to considering my future and what i've done in the pass...

Too much?

far FAR too much...
- topics for exams.
- project submissions before right exams.
- papers for exams.
- days for exams.
- things bothering me. STOP bugging me!

never too much...
- time
- holidays
- fun!
- care and concern

never too much shoulders. cos it can only be too many shoulders. hyuck hyuck

have you ever..

... chanced upon an article and it seems to be speaking to you?
... ran into someone and he/she regurgitate some scenarios that is similar to yours?
... overheard someone talking to another person and it seems like he/she is talking to you?
... stared at an object and it seems to be saying something?





... left?

somethings close to your heart, you just hope to keep by forever.

Girlies

i miss going to Cheekys.
i miss going to Cheekys with my girlies.
i miss going to Cheekys with my girlies and drowning my sorrows in drinks.
i miss the podium of Cheekys.
i miss going crazy with that in du ren and the mashmallow on the podium.
i miss going crazy with that in du ren and the mashmallow on the podium when Mundian To Pache Kerehi comes on.
i miss going crazy with that in du ren and the mashmallow on the podium when Mundian to Pache Kerehi comes on and do that thang.

la di da di da...

Boy Meets Girl

-the book before Every Boy's Got One-

Boy : (seats nearer to her)
Girl : (Seats even closer to the wall)
Boy : are you currently attached?
Girl : no..
Boy : Then you clearly can't forget your previous boo
Waiter : (milkshake comes and interrupted the conversation)
Boy : (slurping on with his chocolate milkshake )
Girl : (starts wondering..) hmmmm..........................

i miss milkshake.. esp billy bomber's cookies and cream milkshake.. *SLURPS*

Spare Me!

Every Boy's Got One- Meg Cabot

romance

boy meets girl, girl hates boy, boy dislikes girl, boy likes girl, girl likes boy

within 1 night, they became a couple n the really strong kind.



WHO ARE THEY TRYING TO KID? THIS DOESNT HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE!

that's why i let my imaginations lead my dreams. *chuckles*

Pocahontas

so i realised i lacked of childhood and decided to re-watch it.


years back: it's a romance abt this British guy falling in love with this Indian girl at the New World.

today: it's a show that depicts how British colonism tried to exploit the poors, and diminishes the uniqueness of one country. with UNREALISTIC romance.


it's strange how opinions deviate over the years.
it's weird when sometimes human's action goes against their desire.

box

i think my storage area is really limited.

like when u just stuff some new info in, the box will be overloaded and some old stuff will slowly drop from the back.

i looked back at my entries that i posted in april this year, i dont remember why did i have to note that.

it's really scary when what happened wasn't so long ago.

probably this is selective memory. like you choose to remember some stuff and remove the unhappy ones.

~the people we have met in the last 5 yrs will we remember them in 10 more~

dumbfounded

sometimes things just progress so naturally that it seemed to be arranged by someone.

yesterday i encountered a similar situation that i faced with a few months back. exactly the same situation, just that this time i hold the view of the other party. it amazes me why i didnt thought the same when i was in the picture, though i said i did.

i was flabbergasted when i realise how my stand swayed.

i guess you were right. probably it was the best solution.


but i was still very astonished looking at how things are placed in such a way that u see from the other party's shoes.

Toiletbowl

that scene suddenly flashed pass, and i thought it's pretty funny.

....

during one of those Cheeky's-Saturday-night, i was short of cash and decided to take a stroll to UE sq to withdraw money. 1am in the morning, i suddenly felt the urge to go to the loo due to the constant drinking back in the club. as soon as i entered the cubicle, my phone dropped into the toiletbowl!

HAHAHAAH!!

i dunno why but i got tickled when that scene flashed by. and char in the other cubicle was like giggling. *giggle giggles* hahahaha!!

Cheeky's Withdrawal Syndrome is getting harder to rid

Subconsciously

so i thought it's a history,
but i guess that's not the end of the story.

it's been a quarter year,
and i thought it was over.

i dreamt of you last night,
it seemed like it was still that night.

i didnt think it's cool speaking like you,
but it came out so smooth like i never knew.

i thought i was already fine,
i guess emotions seems intertwine.

<<<< from this.. we've transformed.....



<<<<<<< to this!

Residue

i ran and ran, in hope to catch the last glitter before it falls into that mysteriously black river.
to much disappointment, i didnt reach in time.
what left behind was the dark sky covered in layers of grey smoke.

then i wondered, why do people often live for the pretty moments?
the greyish sky with the black river was just as beautiful and serene.
no loud popping sound, nor the colourful skyflowers,
but the scene itself was calming and beautiful in its own way.

sometimes the best thing in life is the residue of what seems the best.

My new-found interest

la di da di da
after 2 weeks, finally it's time for a breather.
reports, presentations and quizzzzzzzzz had been up one after another.

oh! recently, i found interest in stonning.
just sit at a corner and look at things pass me by, even if when im out with my friends, this new-found friend of my often stop by.

stone!

BUZZ OFF!!

stupid fly, buzzing irritatingly as i lie.
you stink like the bin, i turned and you wink.
you fly with that buzz, i rejected n u make such a fuss.
you call all day, "STOP CALLING!", I pray.
my mood so damp, i saw you and i went "DAMN!"

Sniff Sniff

i stood at the window looking at the grey clouds inching closer every seconds,
the extremely strong gust of wind just swept into my house through the window.
fallen leaves and plastic bags danced in the wind.
they travelled over distance and landed in my hse.
i did not bother to stop them from intruding.
i stood by the window and enjoyed as the rain unleashed on me.

and now, i got the product of such experience- Flu!

Shut Up!

Has it ever occur to you that what u just said is so ridiculous and everyone just stare at you like you're a fool?

Has it ever happened to you that at times you just speak too much that you just feel like stuffing yourself up and shut the fuck up, but your mouth just wont listen?

Have you ever experienced when you try to make something happen, and in the end, NOTHING happened and you just feel like staying back and lying low for like ever?

Have you ever feel like just abandoning everything and just float in the midst of the cotton candy clouds?

Have you ever wish that even if the clouds can't hold your weight someone will be there to hold you even if you fall?

Have you ever hope that for a moment, the sand in your hour glass will stop sliding?

I hope things turn back. but I already saw the end approaching.

Vague but Enough

As I swam aimlessly in the sea of doubts,
it resembled the skys full of clouds.

I never know when the cloulds will turn grey,
neither will i know when the sun exudes its rays.

You rose from behind of the grey clouds slowly,
you lifted me up and i enjoyed the moment totally.

you placed a smile in my heart :D

Through the Arbor

Kevin Kern- Through the Arbor

this pianist is awe-inspiring. his music is so calming and has theraputic effect.
he is visually impaired. this misfortune has landed on him since birth.
as He took away his precious sight, He bestowed him with amazing talents.
at the age of a year and half, he started learning piano and henceforth found his hidden talent that was changed with his sight.

sometimes i wonder. is God really fair? as u lost something He gives you something in return.
like the window theory- the close of one window is the open of another window.
is his talents God's gift or is it his hardwork?

can't i have the cake and eat it too?

Solitude

The beach looks extremely captivating when the storm is approaching.

The overcastted sky made the clear blue sea looks mysteriously green, with cruises and ships on it, painted against the grayish blue sky. The dark gray clouds moving nearer every minute that ticked past.

The choppy sea and the strong current seemed to be able to swallow the helpless
kayak as foam rushed to the shore. The colour of the sea became increasingly dark as it nears the far end, connecting the sky.

The trees seemed to be dancing unanimously as its leaves brushed against the pavilion. The fallen leaves resembled golden crisp chips being snatched till they break into pieces as the cyclist dashed through them hastily.

The wind combed through my hair as the gentle sun seemed to be fading off every second. Up above, it sprinkled generously on me as I raced past the dancing trees and the stoic pavilion. The hurricane came and swept away my worries. I enjoyed the moment of peace and solitude.

my new best friend

News???

firstly, i have to state that this post is not against any bloggers.
but why is our national newspaper- Straits Times- featuring some random blogger's blog being hacked? well, ok it is an offence, but shouldnt they pick something more news worthy?
hmm.. like... some youth group doing fund raising for cultural preservation? *ahem*
hyuck hyuck hyuck hyuck

the rays baked my back- i'm half- roasted

The Twist

it's annoying when decisions/relationships/work/possessions just change at that split seconds.
For example, when what u expressed is not what is being perceived by the other party. Hence causing an immediate fallout.
or when sometimes decisions are being made and i thought it's the best decision for that situation, somethings have to appear to put me in a dilemma.

Havent u played enough already? I'm looking like a fool.

YIKES!

bad bad bad!
yearning and longing and wishing and hoping and waiting and starring and glarring....
such activies are harmful!
You are like coffee- irresistably addictive.
leave me alone!

it was a false alarm.

freaky

after reading somethings, im not so sure whether things will be so certain.
damn it!
i starred at the screen for like 5 mins before all other random thoughts stop to overwhelm me.
arrrrrghhhhh
whatever it is, i guess it's just coincidental. agree?

Closed

i guess everything has a closure to tidy up the tiny details, to put a situation to an end.
this end is not exactly like a dead end whereby u walk back to where u came from.
this end is more like a hurdle that prevents u from returning and continue running forward.

perhaps this is it!
although it wasnt the most wonderful thing among other various options, it is where everything ends.
definitely a HUGE FULLSTOP you forcefully placed at the end of this sentence.

well, at least the end of one sentence signifies the start of another.

Relieved

it's been a long time since i felt so relieved being able to reach home!
the relief that i dont even remember when i return from Cambodia.

the night felt so draggy and seemed to take eternity before the daylight shone.

the deep cut on the sole on my feet felt numb, looking at the bright red blood trickled down, i kind of wanted to test the limits of the amount of blood i can let it run before the wound closes. the red liquid sparkled as it rolled down uncontrollably.

out of the blue, i was hit by a wave of dizzy spell. the surrounding seemed blurred and the noises around seemed to have been put to mute. my head felt heavy and my stomach felt queasy. before my visual got painted white, i quickly sat down at wherever i was.

for the next 2 hours, it seemed to take forever to past.

as i strolled around my estate early this morning, i realised this is not the kind of life i want to lead! such activities are really time consuming and i dont benefit anyhow from it. i want to do something more beneficial, be it to me or to anyone else.

it's amazing how somethings that once occupied most of my time, and i enjoyed doing no longer interests me.

i think i'm definitely NOT a nocturnal creature. i prefer the day.
it is not wise to consume lime juice after drinking

No Expectations

That was our motto before we set off to Banlung. Everyday, Desmond would remind us that we had no idea what was ahead of us and we should embrace it as it comes, accept it with no expectations as things would not be any arrangements. Almost all the talks that we had, we had this motto in them- No Expectations.

Now that we are back from Banlung, it's time we settle some unfinished business, such as the post-expedition presentations and the publishing of the books. ok.. The post-expedition presentation is some what done. probably one more to go- the national library which is still currently unsure. So, the books, and probably a continuation of this project. Is it because we want the fame and glory? Is it because we want to share the innocence that we have lost but still remain in the Cambodians? or is it because we want to create awareness about the importance of preserving culture?

The idea of having the book was kind of scraped off, due to the lack of funds. But now, there's an opportunity sitting right there waiting for us to grasp it! Are we grasping it or are we not? if we do, is it because we want to continue to live in this fairytale? is it because we enjoyed each other's company? is it because we want to return to Banlung for a vacation? or is it because we have a burning passion in us to preserve their culture?

If not, this opportunity may no longer be applicable. Furthermore, we won't know the outcome if we don't continue and we won't make any difference to anyone, not even ourselves. So many doubts that make the decision-making process more tedious. So many other considerations that make this situation seems so complicated. So many people invloved that slow things down.

I choose: take up this opportunity, go as we see wad's lay ahead of us, and be prepared for setbacks.

i guess great power comes with great responsibility- hello time management!

Fishcake

hmmm..
its amazing how some people dont understand that your blog space = to ur private place.
ok.
not that private if u found it. will at least i didnt reveal it!

isn't it funny how it's ok for someone to stumble across my blog, but its not ok for people that i dont wanna share my life with to read. weird.

blog space is something publicly private. hmmm..

The Replica of Banlung House

pictures by Glenn Lim

food for thought

maybe in the near future, participants shd call and ask the organizers when is their event rather than the organizers spreading their information to the participants.

but how can any participants ask for info of the event when she didn't even know such things existed in the first place?

well, maybe participants should draw out their time tables to the organizer and then the organizers can spread their news if the participants are free.

sorry, i really dont see/feel any effort.

yipeeee

presentation is done! woot! once again, it was FANTASTIC! this time round was a bigger scale event, in terms of the audience. like the directors and principal, the Youth Expedition Program people, and frens in the campus. likewise, there were alot who did not turn up either.

so.. wads the highlight this time?? me! I STUMPED ALOT! i felt like a complete fool. standing on the stage alone with the mike in front of me, cards held in my hand, and many pairs of eyes dazed at that nervous block on the stage that forgot her lines. isn't that a wonderful sight?

due to the strategic positioning of the speakers, aft my speech was the dance. so it didnt seem that bad. at least there was a "break".

for people who came, like nim, sera, kenny, the jap-expedition-guy, etc. , good for you! (i was told that this is one of the best post-expedition presentation!) and i really appreciated ur presence. for frens that wasn't able to make it, well.. at least u tried to make urself free, no worries. there are still opportunities for us to present, maybe at the library. and i heard many other forms of communicating channels are coming out. we'll see. THANK YOU to all that made this happen. something that i wanna keep by me for a long time.

let me continue living in this fairytale

IOC

tiring!
aches, fatigue and eye- wash all at once!
tired.

i hate it when im being screamed at something that i wasnt even driving to.

"Hey! we are having a Cambodia Sharing Session this thurs, 5pm at LT26... "

"...*raise eyebrows* euw! Cambodia? "
"... *twisting lips* ugh! Cambodia?! "
"... *starring right at you as if u are a complete idiot* for wad? "

judgemental people! Cambodia is so beautiful. its beauty radiates from deep within. the innocence in the children's eyes. the smile of the locals that reaches deep into you. the trust within the community. the friendliness of the locals. the sincerity of them. the diligence of the students.

Cambodia does not have huge Theme Parks. neither does she have major shopping centers. Cambodia have landmines, and beggars.

despite its flaws, despite it being a 3rd world country, its beauty is something that radiates from deep within and touches ones heart.the sincerity of the people and the contentment that u see in them. it is not something on the surface. neither is it something that can be pass by word of mouth. it is something that one should experience to understand. it's the heartfelt kind of warmth, that most of the 1st world nation has already lost it!

being selfish, i hope that people continue having the mentality that Cambodia is dangerous and boring- no shopping paradise, no theme parks... sure! just continue believing that.. cos mass tourism will definitely damage the environment.

Singapore is a !st world country with lousy attitude!

I MISS BANLUNG!

i miss having red sand constantly landing on me.
i miss waking up at 5 and find that the sun is already up and the stunning sunrise greeting me and in the evening aft a whole day's work at IYDP, the sun bids goodbye with a beautiful sunset.
i miss having wood surrounding me. so it wasn't a tough job when i had to touch wood.
i miss the amazing sight of starry nite as i lie down in the middle of the runway and when peter tried to do the debief but no one was on his side.
i miss conversing in Khmer with the locals in the market, shops...
i miss the delicious food and mouth-watering drinks.

i guess thats why we've been putting in effort for things to work out, at the same time enjoying each other's company. cos we find comfort, and bits of Banlung in each of us.

you made my day! :D